Riley In The Loud House
by Rilx4TW
Summary: Inspired by Laney In The Loud House, this fanfic stars me, a kind 11 year old girl, who ends up in a dream where she meets Lincoln Loud and his sisters. I will write all about Season 1 and there will be a sequel for Season 2 when it finishes.
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

It was one normal evening. Riley set her pajamas and turned on the shower. About 10 minutes later, she got out, dried her hair and washed her face. She fixed herself a hot apple cider and got the book she was reading and laid on her bed. About a half and hour later at 9:30, she turned off the lights and fell asleep.  
Riley soon woke up seeing that something was missing. Where was her cat? Where were her books? Where was she? She looked around and realized that she was in someone else's bedroom! She fell asleep again then sneezed which woke a boy up.

BOY: Hi! Who are you?

RILEY: Oh, hi! I'm Riley! Where am I?

BOY: I'm Lincoln Loud! Very nice to meet you. You're in the Loud House! You can stay here for a while! I bet my sisters won't mind that I met a new friend!

Lincoln Loud? That was him! Lincoln Loud! She could stay! She fell asleep smiling. She was very excited to meet the the sisters.


	2. Chapter 2: Left In The Dark

HUNTER SPECTOR: "Do you believe in ghosts? Join me, Hunter Spector, spectre hunter, leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, or ARGGH! As I descend into the scariest place in any home, the basement! Sunday night at 8 PM! Don't miss it, or you'll be left in the dark! ARGGH!"

Riley was reading her book while Lincoln was marking his calendar.

LINCOLN: [marks calendar] It's finally here!

RILEY: What? What is it?

LINCOLN: The live season finale of the greatest show ever! All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself 'Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show.' And, you'd be right. Every Sunday at 8, it's the same thing.

[Cut to flashback of his sisters fighting over the remote; End flashback]

LINCOLN: But tonight, I have a plan. Cadet Lincoln calling Cadet Clyde, do you read me?

CLYDE: This is Cadet Clyde, I read you loud and clear! I'm so excited! We finally get to watch ARGGH together. And by together, I mean you at your house, and me at mine, right?

LINCOLN: For such a landmark event, we decided that it'd be best for us if we watched it separately. Clyde's got a huge crush on my sister Lori. It gets awkward.

RILEY: Seriously? How old IS Lori?

LINCOLN: 17.

Riley looked at him awkwardly.

CLYDE: [Looking dreamily at drawing of Lori] Hubba hubba.

LINCOLN: Clyde? Clyde? Do you read me?

CLYDE: Uh, you better hurry, Lincoln. It's almost 8:00!

LINCOLN: It's time to put Operation Distract My Sisters So That I Can Get to the TV First and Watch the Special Live Season Finale of ARGGH and Think of Shorter Name For This Operation into action.

RILEY: Then, what about me? Should I stay here?

LINCOLN: C'mon, Riley!

Lincoln and Riley left his room.

LOLA AND LANA: [Coming out of their room] Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons!

LINCOLN: Did someone say tea party? [reveals a tea pot and a box of cookies]

LOLA: Eeeee! Thank you, Lincoln! [takes the items and goes back to her room]

LANA: Hey, I don't want to be part of some dumb old tea party, I want to watch TV!

LINCOLN: Not even if [pulls out something from behind him] these guys are invited?

Lincoln held out some frogs. Riley was impressed that Lincoln could handle living with 10 sisters.

LANA: Eeeee! Thanks, Lincoln! [takes the frogs and goes back to her room]

Riley was just about to ask Lincoln a question when...

LINCOLN: "Hey, Luan!"

LUAN: "I was just heading downstairs to watch TV."

LINCOLN: "You might want to grab your video camera instead. The twins are at it again."

[Lola and Lana fighting]

RILEY: I've got this.

Riley walked in but Luan interrupted her.

LUAN: "This is totally going to go viral!" [gives in to record the brawl] "Thanks, Linc!"

Riley shrugged in and then she saw Lincoln run away. She followed him. They saw Lisa and Lily walk out of their room.

LINCOLN: "Hey, Lisa. I saved you a trip downstairs and got that stuff you needed."

LISA: "The lactose, triticum protein, sodium chloride crystals, sucrose, and galus galus ovum?"

RILEY: What? What does that mean?

LINCOLN: "Uh, you mean milk, flour, salt, sugar and eggs?" [holds out ingredients]

LISA: "You say tomato, I say solanum lycopersicum. Thank you."

Lisa grabbed the ingredients and walked into her room and shut the door.

RILEY: How is she so smart?

LINCOLN: She's got a pHd.

Riley was confused. She then saw Lynn come out of her room.

LYNN: "Yeah! Two minutes to game time! Whoo!"

LINCOLN: "Hey, Lynn, check it out." [holds out a football that starts floating] "I filled it with helium for the extreme player who demands more."

LYNN: "I demand more!"

RILEY: Footballs don't fly. Oh well.

Just then, Leni walked in.

LINCOLN: "Uh, go long!

LYNN: "Get over here, you!"

LINCOLN: "Oh my gosh, Leni!"

LENI: "What, is there a spider on me?" [frantically rubs her head] "Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!"

LINCOLN: "Worse. There's a zit on the end of your nose!"

RILEY: No, there's not!

LENI: "I'm a hideous monster!"

Leni ran away not listening to Riley. Riley shrugged.

LUNA "Hey, bro! TV tonight is gonna be rockin'!" [Strums her guitar.] "Yeah!"

LINCOLN: "Or, you can have your very own flashlight rock show in your bedroom." [holds out a colorful flashlight and Luna takes it]

LUNA: "That is sweet! Thanks, Linc!" [Goes back into her room]

RILEY: How many are there?

LORI: "Has anyone seen my phone? I need to live-tweet my show!"

LINCOLN: [Takes out the phone and presses buttons on it] "Hey, Lori! Hey, Lori, I found your phone!"

LORI: "Give me that!" [snatches her phone] "How many times do I have to tell you to keep your hands of my stuff!" [Phone rings, Lincoln counts down.] "Hello? Oh, hi Bobby." [Laughs] "No, I didn't text you to call me, but I'm glad you did!" [to Lincoln] "Thanks for nothing, twerp!"

LINCOLN: [Sees Lily sleeping, lays her in the laundry basket and kisses her.] "And that makes 10."

RILEY: Good job, Lincoln!

LINCOLN: "Like I said, I might not be the fastest, and I might not be the strongest, but to get all of my sisters out of the way, it pays to have a plan."

LUCY: "You forgot me."

LINCOLN AND RILEY: "Ahh!"

LINCOLN:"Lucy! I always forget about Lucy!"

LUCY: "Story of my life."

LINCOLN: "What are you doing here?"

LUCY: "It's the season premiere of my favorite show, "Vampires of Melancholia."

LINCOLN: "This is the episode of ARGGH that everyone is going to be talking about at school tomorrow! Please let me watch it? Pretty please with a black cherry on top?"

LUCY: "I'm sorry, Lincoln, but you know the rule. I was here [in slow motion] first."

LINCOLN: "NOOOOOO!" [Looks at remote and licks it] "Ha!"

LUCY: [holds up another remote] "That's the old remote that Lily threw into the toilet."

Lincoln gagged, rubbed his tongue and spits out the germs. He then started crying.

RILEY: Sorry, Linc. We can record it. Right, Lucy?

LUCY: "Sorry, Lincoln, I can't miss my vampires. Edwin is so cold and tormented and mysterious. Sigh. If only he wasn't from another century."

LINCOLN: "Another century! That's okay, Lucy. You watch your show on the big color TV. I'll just go watch my show on Dad's crummy, old, black-and-white TV."

LUCY: "Black and white are my favorite colors."

LINCOLN: "Yeah, it'll make watching my show a little more spooky!"

LUCY: "Spooky is also my favorite color."

LINCOLN: "Well, enjoy your vampires."

LUCY: "Wait! I'll take the old TV!"

Lincoln, Lucy and Riley walked into Lynn and Lucy's bedroom. Lincoln was plugging in the TV.

LINCOLN: "How can only two colors be so heavy?" [Puts it on the bed.] "Now to plug it in. So, you can be happy or sad or whatever that emotion is. And I won't be left in the dark."

Lincoln plugged in the TV. The power suddenly goes out.

RILEY: The power went out.

RILEY AND LINCOLN: Dang it.

They soon heard the sisters complain about the power outage.

LORI: "All right! All right! Everybody just calm down!"

LENI: "Guys! I can't see anything! I think I've gone blind!"

LORI: "No, you didn't go blind. What the heck happened?"

LINCOLN: "I was just plugging in the old TV for Lucy and it must've made the lights go out."

LORI: "Of course it was your fault, Lincoln."

The sisters began to complain.

RILEY: Guys! It must be something about the company and the routers!

LINCOLN: "What? All I did was plug in some dumb old TV!"

LUAN: "Hey! I know why the lights went out! Cause they liked each other! [laughs as siblings sighs] "Get it? Get it?"

RILEY: [giggles] Good one, Luan!

LISA: "That one was so good, it deserved a cookie." [hands her one]

LUAN: "Oh, thanks." [eats it] "So anyway, what did one light bulb say to the other?"

Luan was glowing. The kids gasped.

LINCOLN: "You're glowing."

LUAN: "Oh. I already told you that one?"

LUNA:"No, dude. You are glowing."

LUAN: "Hey, wow!"

LORI: "Everyone back away from Luan. [the siblings step back] Lisa, Mom and Dad said you're not allowed to use your siblings as experimental guinea pigs anymore!"

LENI: "Yeah! Not after what you did to me!"

[Cut to flashback of Leni and Lisa with Leni experiencing side effects from Lisa's experiment. Her face is extremely swollen and covered in blemish like substances.]

LENI: "My face feels funny."

[End flashback]

LISA: "Classic. All I did was infuse the bioluminescent DNA of the Aequorea victoria jellyfish into a cookie. I call them Gloweos. Besides, now we can see."

RILEY: Um, infuse the what?

LORI: "Okay. Everyone huddle around Luan.

The kids huddled around Luan.

LUAN: "I always knew I was the light of your life." [giggles as the rest of her siblings sigh.]

RILEY: Once again, that was a good one. [claps sarcastically]

LINCOLN: "Okay. So, how about we get that power back on."

LORI: "Hey, when Mom and Dad are out, I'm in charge. So first, we need to get a head count to make sure we're all here."

LINCOLN: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten and me, that's 11. Yep, that's all of us. We are all here and accounted for."

LUCY: "You forgot me."

Lincoln screams and falls to the ground after getting startled by Lucy. Riley caught him just in time.

LINCOLN: Thanks, Riley!

RILEY: Anytime!

LINCOLN: "Can I go flip the circuit breaker and get the lights back on before Lucy gives me a heart attack?"

LORI: "Again, in charge. I'll do it. Where's this circuit breaker thingy?"

LINCOLN: "In the basement."

[The kids arrive at the basement. Lori's shadow peers over the basement's darkness.]

LORI: "Why am I the one who has to do this?"

THE SIBLINGS EXCEPT RILEY: [at the same time angrily] "Because you're in charge!"

RILEY: Well, can we all go down? I think Lori could use a little help!

LORI: "All right, all right! Come on, Luan. Light the way."

LUAN: "That's the brightest idea you've had all day!" [giggles]

Lori pulls her from their siblings, but Luan stops glowing. The kids gasp.

LUAN: "Oooh. I thought I was staying in tonight, but I guess I'm going out!" [laughs]

LORI: "Lisa, give her another one of those cookies. We won't tell."

LISA: On her clipboard] "Negative. That was the only one. Prototype."

LORI: "Just great..." [hears a wooden creak and gasps in fear] "There's something in the basement! I'm not going down there!"

LYNN: "Ooh! You're scared of the dark!"

LORI: "I am not! You're the one who's scared."

LYNN: "I'm not afraid of anything."

LUCY: "Boo."

LYNN: "AAH!"

[While most of the girls start arguing, the twins start to tremble with fright]

TWINS: "THERE'S A GHOST IN THE BASEMENT!" [sobbing]

RILEY: Guys, don't cry!

LINCOLN: "Guys! I'm running out of time! It's really important that I...I...I..." [sighs in realization] "...fix this. OKAY, QUIET!" [the girls stop] "Come here, you two. It's okay. There's nothing to be afraid of." [hugs the twins] "Your big brother will protect you. In fact...I will protect all of you! For I am Cadet Lincoln!" CADET LINCOLN "Highly trained student of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters! Or...ARRGH!" ARRGH! [puts on night vision goggles and busts out his walkie-talkie] "Cadet Clyde, this is Cadet Lincoln. Forget the plan. I'm going to need backup."

Clyde walks in.

CLYDE: "Cadet Clyde, reporting for duty." [notices Lori and gets aroused] "L-L-L-Lori?" [starts acting like a robot] "RED ALERT. RED ALERT. DOES NOT COMPUTE. CIRCUIT OVERLOAD. MUST ABORT MISSION." [leaves]

LINCOLN: [to Riley] "I told you it gets awkward." [prepares to enter the basement] "I will now descend into the scariest place in the house: the basement. But fear not, with my official ARRGH! branded night vision goggles, I can see in the dark." [begins to head down but slips down the stairs and loses his radio]

LORI: "Lincoln, are you okay?"

LINCOLN: "The bad news is, my goggles are just a toy, and do not really see in the dark! The good news is, they cushioned my face from the hard basement floor!"

RILEY: I'll come down with you! I have a flashlight!

The kids cheer as Riley ran into Lincoln's room. She came back with a flashlight. She turned it on but the battery died.

RILEY: Dang it.

LUAN: "Hey! I think my video camera has a night vision setting."

LINCOLN: [rushes back up] "Sweet!" [takes it] "It's just like the cameras they use on ARRGH! I'm going in."

LORI: "Wait! You're not leaving us up here all alone, are you? I mean, we couldn't possibly let you go down there all alone. We should all go down together. As a group." [grins pleadingly]

LINCOLN: "Very well. I'll lead the way."

The kids walk into the basement.

LINCOLN: "You may want to stay close. There's no telling what could be lurking down here in the dark."

LUAN: "There's nothing funny about this situation. Although, I do like dark humor."

LENI: "Is someone touching my hand?"

LYNN: "You're touching your own hand."

LORI: "I hate basements."

They heard an eerie sound.

LORI: [gasps] "What's that moaning?!"

The girls gasped and Lincoln turned to the source.

LINCOLN: "Don't freak out. It's just the pipe settling."

They heard another scary sound.

LENI: "What's that scratching?!"

LINCOLN: "Don't be scared. It's just Cliff the Cat."

Cliff meowed.

LYNN: [plus up hernose] "What is that smell?!

LINCOLN: "It's just Lily with a full diaper..."

[Luna held Lily and was understandably grossed out by her baby sister]

LILY: "Poo-poo!"

LINCOLN: "See, guys? I told you. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Another ominous noise occured, surprising Lincoln and the girls.

LORI: "What is it?!"

VOICE:"Lincoln...LINCOLN..."

LINCOLN: [terrified] "IT'S A GHOST AND IT KNOWS MY NAME!"

Riley gasped. Lucy stood there. The rest of the girls ran around screaming.

LINCOLN: [bravely] "I'LL SAVE YOU, SISTERS!" [charges at the ghost]

Fortunately, the lights came on.

LORI: "Cool it, Lincoln. It's not a ghost. It's just our laundry."

Lincoln emerged from the laundry and sheepishly grinned; it also turned out that the sound was Clyde on his radio.

CLYDE: [on the other end] "Lincoln! Lincoln! Do you read me?"

LINCOLN: [picks up] "Clyde?"

CLYDE: "I was just calling to say sorry for not being such a good ARRGH! cadet. And is your sister ready to date younger men?"

LORI: "Never gonna happen!"

CLYDE: "Was that your sister?!" [robot act] "RED ALERT. RED ALERT. OVERLOAD. OVERLOAD."

Lincoln had one of those "The things I have to put up with" looks on his face.

LENI: [with her eyes closed] "Guys! I still can't see!"

RILEY: Leni, the lights just-

LISA: "Open your eyes."

LENI: [opens her eyes] "IT'S A MIRACLE!"

Riley facepalmed.

LORI: "First one to the TV is couch commando."

LINCOLN: "I can still get there first!"

RILEY: Come on, Lincoln! You can do it!

Lincoln and Riley hurry to the couch so Lincoln could be the first one and raced and passed all of his sisters. He manages to get there first and grabs the remote and turns on the TV only to be find out that his show is now over.

HUNTER SPECTOR: "WOW! That was by far the best episode of ARRGH! ever! I'd hate to be you if you missed it!"

LINCOLN: [Shocked] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [lamenting] I can't believe I missed my show..."

Lincoln began to cry.

RILEY: Sorry, Linc.

LORI: [hands him some popcorn] "Sorry you missed your show, Lincoln."

LUAN: "But you just lived it. Check it out." [plugs her camera into the TV and shows him what he filmed]

They began watch and enjoy their little adventure on film and Lincoln was happy to have actually lived the show instead of just watching it

LINCOLN: [To the viewers] "You know, I may have missed my show. But sometimes, it's not about being there first. Sometimes, It's about being there together. All of us."

LUCY: "You forgot me."

LINCOLN, RILEY AND THE SIBLINGS: [Got startled by her appearance] "AAAHH!"


	3. Chapter 3: Get The Message

The next day, Riley was reading her book while Lincoln was playing a zombie game downstairs in the living room.

Lincoln: "Take that, zombie! Feel my twerk, you evil jerk! HOO!"

Lincoln danced up the stairs but ended up entering Lori and Leni's room.

Lori: "Lincoln!"

Lincoln: "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Lori: "There's only one rule in this house: stay out of my bedroom! If I catch you in here again, I will literally turn you into a human pretzel!" [on the phone] "No, not you, Bobby." [giggles] "One sec, okay?"

Lori kicked Lincoln out of her room. He put on his goggles again and kept dancing.

Lincoln: "OH, YEAH!" [goes into the bathroom; realizes what he's doing in there] "Zombies don't need to see this." [takes the goggles off and sets them on the sink]

Someone knocked in the door.

Lincoln: "Occupied!"

The knocking then turned into pounding.

Lincoln: "I can't believe some..." [answers door to see Lori is there]

Lori: [on the phone] "Bobby, you'll never guess what Whitney said to me today."

Lincoln: [rhetorically] "That you don't respect a man's privacy?"

Lori: [ignoring Lincoln and kicking him out] "No, silly! Not even. She was all like..."

Lincoln walked up into his room but he realized something.

Lincoln: "Oh no! My gaming glasses!"

Lincoln ran to the bathroom but he was stopped by Lana and Lola.

Lana: "No running in the hallway!"

Lincoln: "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Lola: "Lana, is this maggot giving you lip?" [writes Lincoln up]

Lana: "We're the new hall monitors at school, so we're practicing at home."

The girls write Lincoln a ticket.

Lola: "If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown! We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes." [reveals Luan in a cardboard jail cell]

Luan: "Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months!" [laughs to rimshot] "Get it?"

Lola: "That's five more minutes, dirt bag!"

Lincoln: "Okay, okay. I'll walk within the speed limit. I swear."

Lana: "NO SWEARING!"

Lincoln left to get his glasses but he realized that his glasses were broken.

Lincoln: "Someone stepped on my glasses! NOOOOOO!"

Riley heard Lincoln mourn his loss of his glasses and she ran upstairs to help him.

Riley: Lincoln! What's wrong?

Lincoln: Lori stepped on my gaming glasses!

Riley: Oh no!

Lincoln ran down the stairs.

Lincoln: "LORI! YOU DIRT BAG!"

Later, Lincoln, Riley and Clyde were in Lincoln and Riley's room.

Lincoln: "One minute I'm electric-sliding with the undead, and the next..." [groans] "IT'S ALL LORI'S FAULT!"

Clyde: [holding the goggles] "I can't believe it!"

Lincoln: "I know! She didn't even say sorry!"

Riley: She definitely should say sorry.

Clyde: [lovestruck] "No. I can't believe these were touched by Lori's beautiful tootsies..." [cradles the glasses]

Lincoln: "Snap out of it, Clyde! Lori's a monster! All she cares about is talking on her stupid phone! Well, I'm going to give her a call she'll never forget..."

Clyde: "What are you gonna say?"

Lincoln pulled out a paper out of his drawer.

Clyde: "Why 'blank' is the worst sister ever?"

Lincoln: [evilly] "I knew this would come in handy someday. I just didn't know which sister would be getting it." [writes Lori's name in the blank] "But you, Lori Loud, have made my decision very easy."

Lincoln dialed Lori's number.

Lincoln: [impatient] "Agh. Must be charging her phone. No worries. I'll just leave it on her voicemail."

Voicemail: "Hey, this is Lori. You know what to do."

[Beep]

Lincoln: "Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln. There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are..." [goes into a blindingly raging rant about Lori; Luna comes into his room and rocks out to censor the harsh and foul message for any profanity it may contain, all the while Clyde watches in despair as his dream girl is getting roasted; finishing up] "AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE THE WORST SISTER EVER!" [hangs up] "What do you think, Clyde?"

Riley: LINCOLN! WHAT WAS THAT?! YOU MADE CLYDE DEVASTATED!

Clyde had fainted. Just then, Lori opened the door.

Lori: "Hey, bro. I just wanna say I'm so sorry I stepped on your stupid toy. So I went out and bought you a stupid new one."

Lincoln: [shocked at her generosity] "You did what now?"

Lori: [hands him new glasses] "Also, I'm very impressed you didn't freak out over this. Very mature."

Lincoln: [nervously chuckles] "Yep. That's me. Mr. Mature."

Lori left. Lincoln thought what he did.

Lincoln: Clyde! What have I done? I called Lori a-" [guitar riff] "-when she's actually a-" [harp string] "What am I gonna do?! You're right! Lori clearly hasn't listened to the voicemail yet, or I'd be a human pretzel. We gotta delete the message!"

Clyde: [comes to] "Huh?" [falls over]

Lincoln: "Good talk."

Lincoln, Riley and Clyde peeked out the door. Lola and Lana were tracking a trail of poop that leads from Lynn and Lucy's room to Luan and Luna's. Lori locked up a security password in her room.

Lincoln: "Perfect! Lori doesn't have her cell which means it's still in there charging. Our mission is to infiltrate her room and delete the message before she gets back."

Clyde: "But Lori's room is off limits."

Riley: Now what? Can we come up with a plan?

Lincoln: "I know. That's why I need you to be a lookout for her."

Clyde: "That's easy. I'm always on the lookout for Lori."

Lincoln: "Then let's do this!"

Riley: Yeah!

The kids fist bump.

Clyde: [sneaks through the hallway] "In position."

Lincoln: "Roger that."

Lana: "I know poop when I see it, and that's definitely some poop."

Lincoln: "Drat! The po-po! I can't go through, so I'm gonna have to go over!"

[Lincoln snuck by while the twins checked the sound he made only to see he was nowhere. Lincoln was hiding on the top of the doorway. He passed Geo a treat.

Lana: "Hey, fur ball! No speeding!"

The twins began to chase Geo.

Twins: "Hey! What did we just say? Get back here!"

Lincoln snuck into the vent.

Lincoln: "I'm in."

Clyde: [with a schematic of the house] "Great. Proceed two clicks north, hook a left, and you should be right over the target."

Riley: Perfect!

Lincoln headed down the pathway.

Lincoln: "I've got eyes on the package."

Lincoln finally made it into Lori's room.

Clyde: "Lincoln! Lori's coming!"

Lincoln: "You're going to have to stall her!"

Clyde: "Roger that..." [draws a mustache on his upper lip with a marker and tears off his shirt, revealing a white tux underneath it and acts so suave as Lori approaches] "Hey, beautiful, you take these stairs often?"

Lori: [throws her arms around him and swoons] "I will now...handsome~..." [winks to him]

Riley: Um, Clyde?!

Lincoln grabbed Lori's phone and played the message then deleted it.

Message: "Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln."

Phone: "Message deleted."

Lincoln snuck out just in time and into the vents.

Lincoln: "And that's how we're gonna do it!"

Clyde: "I love it! Especially the part where I get to talk to Lori." [starts applying perfume onto him]

Lincoln: [coughs] "Is that perfume?"

Clyde: "Yeah. It's my Nana's."

Lincoln: "Here are the blueprints for the vents." [hands Clyde a drawing of them with some red stuff all over it]

Clyde: "Are these food stains?"

Lincoln: "I eat ketchup-sandwiches while I floor-plan." [hears a door opening] "Quiet! Lori's coming!"

Lori locked the door and typed in the security password.

Lincoln: "Okay, let's do this."

Clyde: [hops over to the position from the dramatization] "I'M IN POSITION!"

The feedback knocked Lincoln over.

Lincoln: "Roger that." [sees Lola writing Lily up for not wearing her diaper]

Lola: "No, I can't let you off with a warning!"

Lily: [laughs]

Lincoln snuck by, but Cliff got on his hat and started padding it. Lincoln shooed him off only for the cat's tail to hit his nose and stifle a sneeze with Lily's diaper

Lola: "Next time, remember. This is a mandatory diaper zone!"

Lincoln figures out this and threw up. This gets the twin guards' attention and he was hiding up the doorway, but his hands were covered in ketchup, causing him to slip.

Lincoln: "Gah...ketchup fingers..."

The twins saw Lily crawl.

Lana: "SHE'S MAKING A CRAWL FOR IT!"

The twins chase Lily, then Lincoln made it up to the vent.

Lincoln: "Clyde, I'm in."

Riley: Great!

Lucy was right next to him scaring him.

Lucy: "Hey, Lincoln."

Lincoln: [screams] "Lucy! What are you doing in here?"

Lucy: "I come here to think. I actually just wrote a new poem called "Ventilate".

Inside the wall  
I choose to be alone  
If I ever get stuck  
Please listen for my moan.

Lincoln: [nervous] "Riiiiight." [chuckles] "Clyde, get me to Lori's room, now." [creeps away from Lucy]

Clyde: "Go three clicks, and a right. Or was it three rights and a click? Wait. What's a click?"

Riley shrugged.

Lincoln: [crawling around] "Never mind. I think I'm there." [falls through the vent hatch and slips; Lucy catches him before he hits the bathroom floor]

Lucy: "Hey, Lincoln."

Lincoln: "Phew. Thanks, Luce."

Lincoln's radio fell into the toilet.

Clyde: "Lincoln! Everything okay?"

Lincoln: [swings and plunges the radio out] "Yeah, Clyde." [groans at the soggy texture his radio has been contaminated with] "Everything's perfect."

[More vent excavations]

Lincoln: "I've got eyes on the package."

Clyde: "Package? What about Lori's phone?"

Riley: And what about the message?

Lincoln facepalmed and entered Lori's room with a red rope; however, it seemed to be coming undone.

Lincoln: "Clyde, what kind of rope is this?"

Clyde: "Cherry licorice rope."

Lincoln screamed and hit the floor; this gets Lori's attention as she headed up the stairs to check it out.

Clyde: [frantic] "Lincoln! Lori's coming!" [suave] "Don't worry, I'll stall her." [draws a fake mustache on his upper lip and takes his shirt off and approaches Lori only to be stunned by her beauty]

Riley: Again?

Lori: "What?"

[Clyde suddenly gets a nasty nosebleed from his shyness]

Lori: "Ugh! Gross!" [runs to her room]

Lincoln was about to delete the message. Lori entered the room. He made it under the bed just in time. Lori threw her shoes under her bed.

Lincoln: "Ugh!" [shuts his mouth]

Lori: [suspiciously checks under her bed] "So, this is where all my shoes are." [sees all her shoes under her bed]

Lincoln had escaped her line of sight and tries reaching for the phone, but Walt perched right onto it and bited Lincoln's finger, making him hold in his yelp of pain; Lori's phone finished charging.

Lori: "Finally." [takes phone] "Ooh! New messages! I'm so loved!" [leaves]

Lincoln: [panicking] "Mission is compromised! The package is on the move? Clyde? Clyde! Do you read me?!"

Lori listened to all her message.

Message 1: "Hey, babe. It's Bobby. Do you think we'll always be together?"

Lori: "Aww! Totes saving that one!" [saves it]

Clyde fainted.

Message 2: "Hey, babe. It's Bobby again. Should our couple name be Bori or Lobby?"

Lori: [saves it] "Saved."

Lincoln hurried but the twins stop him.

Lola: "We warned you, dirt bag!"

Lana: "It's the clink for Linc!"

Lincoln: "Look! Luan's making a jailbreak!"

The twins turned around.

Lana: "Hey!"

Lola: "Oh, forget that bum. He's out of our jurisdiction now."

Lana: "Yeah. Let's get doughnuts."

They headed out for a doughnut break; Lincoln got downstairs and found out that he was too late and Lori was already listening to his hateful message.

Message: "Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln."

Lincoln: "Lori!" [slow motion diving at her] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" [thuds at normal speed] "Ugh!"

Message: "There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are..."

Lori: "Ugh! Delete! Lincoln, there are two rules in this house: stay out of my room, and never call my phone! My voicemail is full enough without useless messages from you!"

Lincoln: [sarcastically relieved] "Gee, Lori, I'm sorry."

Riley: [ran down stairs] Hey, Lincoln! What happened!

Lori: "But, I'm gonna let it slide this time 'cause you were so mature when I broke your stupid toy."

Lincoln: [sheepishly chuckles] "Yeah, right. That's me. Mr. Mature."

Lori walked up the stairs.

Lori: "Bobby. Only 12 messages today? I thought you cared about me."

Lincoln: [sighs with relief; to the viewers] "Next time I have a problem with one of my sisters, I'll just talk to them instead of leaving a message or writing a nasty letter." [realizing] Speaking of which, where is that letter?"

The letter was gone.

Riley: Did you check in the bathroom where you last saw it?

Lincoln: Dang it.

Lori: [plucking nose hairs while talking to Bobby] "If you want our couple name to be Lobby, you're going to have to show a little-" [sees something on the floor] "What's this? Why Lori is the worst sister ever? Bobby, I gotta go. I'M ABOUT TO TURN LINCOLN INTO A HUMAN PRETZEL!" [reveals the letter to Lincoln and is enraged] "LINCOLN! WHAT IS THIS?!"

Lincoln: "Well, it's time to do the official dance of the Loud House: the Running Man!"

Lincoln put on his new gaming glasses and moonwalked downstairs. Riley facepalmed.

Lori: "WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'M GONNA-"

Luna jammed to Lori's censorship. Riley gasped and ran downstairs.


	4. Chapter 4: Heavy Meddle

Lincoln opened up his locker to get something but somebody pantsed him.

Lincoln: [to someone off-screen] "Really?"

The kids began to laugh at and take photos of his expense. After class; Lincoln got out of his desk, but the same kid tied his shoelaces together and he trips.

Lincoln: [sarcastically] "Oh, real original!"

The kids laugh again. Lincoln sat down in his desk but a fart noise comes out of a whoopie cushion.

Lincoln: [sarcastically] "That's real mature!"

The kids laugh once more. The bell rang and he checked his locker only for a pile of garbage to fall onto him; the kids began do what they did before again.

Lincoln: [opens up a door from the trash; not taking it anymore] "All right! That's it!"

Lincoln, Riley and Clyde were walking home from school.

Clyde: "So, you really confronted that bully?"

Lincoln: "That's right. I said to meet me at 3:30 in front of my house, and we're gonna settle this."

Riley: Doesn't he know where you live?

Lincoln shrugged.

Clyde: [worried for his friend] "Whoa! You're gonna fight?!"

Lincoln: "I'm not an animal, Clyde. I'm going to deliver a strongly worded speech...as soon as I write it."

Clyde: [noticing something] "Looks like that bully left you a note of their own."

Lincoln: "Huh?" [sees a sticky note on his head, pulls it off, and reads it] "Lame-O."

Riley: Is that gum in your hair, Lincoln?

Clyde: [sniffs the gum] "Ooh! Watermelon lime!"

Lincoln: "Better not let my sisters see this, 'cause then they'll want to get involved and make things worse, the way they always do."

Clyde: "I don't know. Maybe they'd be helpful. Your sister Lori gives great advice. She told me to never be myself. I love that woman." [looks lovesick]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Aw, Clyde. Sweet, innocent Clyde. He has no idea what it's like to have ten meddling sisters."

(Flashback to what looks like Lincoln being sick; Lori puts a thermometer in his mouth and checks his temperature; Lisa comes in with an X-Ray machine and takes his X-rays, leaving him with glowing radiation; Luan dressed as a doctor with a clown nose and Luna bandaged him up real tight; Lincoln muffles and Luan removes the bandages covering his mouth so he can breathe)

Lincoln: "Phew."

Leni: [carrying a bowl of piping hot soup] "Here comes the airplane!" [spills it all over Lincoln's crotch] "Oopsie."

Lincoln: [agonized] "AAAHHH! IT BURNS!" [as Leni walks off screen embarrassed.]

[Luna and Luan bandage up his crotch; end flashback]

Lincoln: [holding up a finger with a bandage wrapped around it] "And that was just a paper cut!"

Riley: Wow! Your sisters definitely know how to meddle.

Clyde: "Well, then, you'd better get that gum out. You wanna look intimidating for that bully."

Lincoln: "I was born intimidating." [tries to pull it out, but it's too grody to touch for him] "Ew, ew! Gross!"

Clyde: "You know, peanut butter will get that gum out."

Lincoln: "Should I use chunky or smooth?"

Riley: You should probably use-

Clyde: "Well, if you use chunky, you're gonna have to use smooth to get the chunks out."

Lincoln: "Good point. Thanks, pal."

Riley shrugged.

Lincoln and Riley went into their house and looks around to see if any of his sisters were lurking; the coast was clear and he walked in and put his backpack on the floor; just then, a news broadcast weather board appeared next to him with his face in the sun.

Lincoln: "The National Weather Service reports clear skies with only a 20% chance of meddling sisters. But we advise keeping your umbrella handy."

Riley: Um, okay. I'll be upstairs reading.

Riley ran upstairs and to her and Lincoln's room. Lily was playing with some of her toys and noticed Lincoln coming in.

Lincoln: "Shh..." [steps on a squeaky toy and lifts his foot up with some squeaking aftershocks from said toy]

Lily: "Shh..."

Lincoln: "Shh..." [sneaks off]

Lori: [from the other room] "Hold it right there!"

Lincoln thought Lori had spotted him, but she was really talking to a friend of hers on her phone.

Lori: "He wore cargo shorts on your date? That is literally the worst thing I have ever heard."

Lincoln: "Phew." [sneaks into the kitchen and gets to the fridge and looks for the peanut butter] "Peanut butter, peanut butter...where's the peanut butter?"

Luna walked into the kitchen. Lincoln hid his gum by sticking it in the fridge.

Luna: "Hey, bro."

Lincoln: "Oh, hey, Luna. What's the haps?"

Luna: [seeing Lincoln's position] "Rad way to chill out, bro."

Lincoln: "Right. Totally rad."

Luna: "Hey, hook me up with some pudding."

Lincoln: [feels around for a pudding cup and touches a piece of broccoli] "GROSS!" [shakes the broccoli texture off his hand, finds a pudding cup and hands it to Luna]

Luna: "Thanks. Stay cool." [leaves]

Lincoln found the peanut butter.

Lincoln: "Peanut butter!" [opens the jar and discovers that it's empty; frustrated] "Ah! Why do people put empty jars back in the fridge?!" [puts it back in despite what he just ranted about] "I need a Plan B."

Lori: [still on the phone] "Socks and sandals? Cut it out!"

Lincoln: ""Cut it out." That's it!" [sneaks past Lori]

Lori: "Now that is literally the worst thing I have ever heard."

Lincoln got his scissors from the

Lincoln: "Hey, Luan."

Luan: "Hey, Lincoln. What do you think of this joke? "If I were you, I'd go for the baboon!""

Lincoln: [puzzled] "I don't get it."

Luan: "Oh. Well, that's just the punchline. I still gotta think of the setup." [walks away]

Lincoln walks to his room but is interrupted by his mother, Rita.

Rita: [off-screen] "Lincoln, honey! I need you to take out the trash!"

Lincoln: "Okay, Mom! Five minutes!"

Rita: "Not five minutes! Now!"

Lincoln: "I will! Just give me three minutes!"

Lynn Sr.: "Lincoln, listen to your mother!"

Lincoln groaned, snuck around to avoid his sisters, and took the trash out. Leni was coming and he put the trash lid on the gum to hide it.

Leni: "Hey, Lincoln. Is my desk lamp in there? I can't find it anywhere."

Lincoln: "Nope. Have you tried looking on your desk?"

Leni: "So smart!" [sees the lid on Lincoln's head] "What's up with that hat?"

Lincoln: "Oh, this?" [striking a few poses] "These are all the rage right now. I'm surprised you didn't know."

Leni: [inspired] "Hmm..."

Lincoln made it to his room.

Lincoln: "Phew." [gets ready to open the door, but Lisa catches him]

Lisa: "Greetings, human. There's Liquidambar Styraciflua in your follicular area."

Lincoln: "A what in my who now?"

Lisa: "You've got gum in your hair."

Lincoln: "Oh, yes. I'm sure it's just-"

Lisa: "I assume that being of average intelligence, you didn't place it there yourself. Therefore, I can only deduce that someone has been picking on you."

Lincoln: [begging his genius sister] "Lisa, please! You can't tell! I don't want everyone getting involved."

Lisa: "Don't worry. I do not have enough room in my brain for this kind of tomfoolery." [walks away]

Lincoln: "Phew." [enters his room]

Lincoln walks into his room to snip the gum off his hair.

Riley: Hey, Lincoln.

The door then slams open.

Lynn: "You're being picked on."

Lincoln: [irritated] "Lisa, I thought you weren't going to say anything."

Lisa: "No. What I said was I did not have room in my brain for your secret. Hence, I removed it and transferred it to Lynn, whose brain apparently has ample room."

Lynn: "Thanks." [beat] "Hey!"

Luna: "So, you are being picked on."

Lincoln: [nervous] "Of course not!"

Luan: [points to the gum] "Then what's that?"

Lincoln: "That's just my gum." [chews it trying to cover it up but obviously disgusted by it] "Mmm...watermelon lime. AND HAIR!"

Lincoln coughed it out. The sisters then started complaining to help him.

Lincoln: [begging them] "Guys! Guys! Please stay out of this! You'll only make it worse!"

Lori: "If by worse you mean better, I agree."

Lola: "You should go straight to the school principal!"

Lori: "Forget that. You should literally text an embarrassing picture of him to all his friends."

Luan: "I'm gonna write an insult comedy routine that will leave him in tears!"

Lynn: [flips at Lincoln] "HOO-WAH!" [kicks him] "Basic stealth ninja kick. That's how you're gonna take him down."

Riley: Guys! He's not gonna fight!

Lincoln groaned and gave us an update on the weather of his life with storm clouds coming in over his face.

Lincoln: "Well, folks, the National Weather Service has just released a Category 1 Sisternado Watch. We advise boarding up your windows and preparing your emergency supplies."

Lynn then grabs him.

Lynn: "That's the camel clutch. Another good option for ya." [gets off him]

Lincoln: "Look, I don't need any-"

Luan: "We'll start with some basic dumb jokes. Like, "You're so dumb you locked yourself inside your car." That kind of thing."

Lola: "Ooh I know! I'll invite him to a tea party and make him use the chipped cup!" [has a sinister smile with a sinister sting to accompany it] "I'm so evil, sometimes I scare even me."

He then saw Lynn doing a strange pose.

Lincoln: "What are you doing?"

Lynn: [pulls Lincoln's shirt over his face] "SURPRISE MIME ATTACK! I invented that one myself."

Lincoln: [pulls his shirt back down] "Lynn, I'm not going to fight. I-"

Lynn: "Ugh! Fine! I'll take care of this myself." [walks off]

Luna: "You should do this!" [slams a pair of cymbals right in Lincoln's ears] "His ears'll be ringing for days!"

Luan: "Ugly jokes are always good, too. Like, "You're so ugly, you have to trick-or-treat over the phone!""

Lincoln: [his ears still ringing] "WHAT?!"

Lynn returned with a random boy.

Lynn: "Look! I found him!"

The girls surrounded him looking angry.

Lori: "How dare you bully our brother! Only we get to do that."

Lana: [spits the gum right into Lincoln's hand] "Smoosh your watermelon lime gum in his hair, Lincoln!" [sees Lincoln is too hesitant to do it] "Fine. I'll do it."

Lincoln: "Wait! Stop! This guy isn't my enemy! Although, thanks to you, he probably will be now."

The boy growled.

Lynn: "Oh." [kicks the boy out] "Why are you still here?"

Lana: "I can't believe I almost wasted perfectly good gum on him." [takes gum back and chews it]

Lynn: "I'll go get another boy." [proceeds to do so]

Lincoln: "No! Lynn, stop! IT'S NOT EVEN A BOY!"

Lynn stopped surprised.

Riley: What?!

Leni: "Is it a dog?"

Lincoln: [sighs] "It's a girl..."

The girls were flabbergasted and gasped to hear the news, but then, all of them except Lisa and Riley started squealing with delight.

Lincoln: [perplexed] "What?"

All the girls except Lisa and Riley gave him a big group hug and suffocated him.

Lisa: "Normally, I don't care for inane human emotions, but..." [squeals just as delighted as they did and joins the hug]

Luna: "Lincoln! Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?"

Lola: "She sounds so pretty."

Lincoln: [suffocating] "What is happening?"

They all released him.

Lori: "When a girl picks on you, that only ever means one thing: she likes you~."

The girls except Riley all squealed again and Lincoln was just dumbfounded at this explanation.

Lincoln: [Disbelieving] "That's ridiculous! She shoved a sandwich down my pants! I was picking sesame seeds out of my butt for days!"

The girls swooned over such a flirty prank.

Leni: "So romantic..."

Lori: "That's a classic."

Lincoln: "You guys are nuts! She hates me! I'm gonna meet her today and give her a piece of my mind!"

Lori: "You need to give her a piece of your heart instead."

Lincoln: [scared] "WHAT?!"

Leni: "I think he needs to kiss her."

Lily made kissy faces in agreement.

Riley: HE IS NOT!

Lincoln: [petrified] "WHAT?!"

Sisters: "KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!"

At that moment, as the girls continued chanting Lincoln to kiss his bully, they all started forming miniature tornadoes around them and merged together to create the Sisternado; a weather warning popped up with the tornados taking over Lincoln's space.

Lincoln: "This just in from the National Weather Service! The Sisternado watch has been upgraded to a Sisternado warning. TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY!"

Sisternado: "KISS HER! KISS HER!" [traps Lincoln inside] "KISS HER! KISS HER!"

Lincoln and Riley escaped and ran into the bathroom to seek shelter and picks up his radio.

Lincoln: "MAYDAY! MAYDAY! Clyde, do you copy?"

Clyde: "Roger. I mean, this is Clyde, not Roger. But yeah. Roger, it's Clyde."

Lincoln: [panicking] "My sisters have lost their minds! They think the bully likes me! They want me to kiss her!"

Clyde: "I don't know. Maybe they're right, Lincoln."

Lincoln: "My sisters are never right! All they do is meddle."

Clyde: "They're girls, Lincoln. They know more about these things than we do. It's a scientific fact."

Riley: I'm a girl and I'm not really part of this situation.

Lincoln: "Yeah, but there's no way that-" [suddenly starts considering the possibility] "Wow. Me? You really think she might like me? How would I know?"

Clyde: "There's only one way to find out."

Lincoln and Riley walked up to confront the Sisternado.

Sisternado: "KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!"

Lincoln: "Hold it!"

The Sisternado stopped and the girls turned back to normal.

Lincoln: "So am I going to kiss this girl or what?" [smirks]

They all started squealing except Lisa.

Lisa: "Again..." [squeals again]

It was 3:30 and time for Lincoln to go confront the bully.

Lincoln: "It's 3:30. Lola, lip balm." [Lola applies it] "Lana, breath mint." [Lana puts it in his mouth] "Let's do this." [heads on out to meet the girl of his dreams]

Lynn: "Go get her, Romeo."

Lori: "You so got this, little bro."

Lola: "Aw, our little Lincoln."

Lana: "All grown up."

Riley: Good luck, Linc!

Leni: [wearing the trash lid on her head having believed Lincoln's lie] "All the bridesmaids should wear these hats at Lincoln's wedding. These are all the rage right now."

Lincoln goes out and kisses her.

Sisters and Riley: [sweetly] "Aww..."

The bully, however, responded by punching Lincoln in the face.

Sisters and Riley: [concerned] "Ooh!"

Lincoln stepped back inside with a black eye and now incredibly furious at his sisters.

Luna: "Sorry, buddy. Our bad."

Luan: "Well, at least, you gave it a shot."

Lynn: "I'll get some ice for that shiner."

Lisa: "X-ray machine, stat."

Lori: "I'm really sorry, Lincoln."

Riley: Are you okay, Lincoln?

The girls all tried to apologize to Lincoln for their meddling, which he is through hearing.

Lincoln: [infuriated] "QUIET! Every time you guys butt into my life, you make things worse! Well, guess what? Never again! NO! MORE! MEDDLING!" [walks to his room and slams the door in rage as his sisters stand there feeling guilty]

Riley and Lincoln walked into their room.

Riley: That looked painful, Linc.

Lincoln: It was! I knew it all along. I should never have listened to them. My sisters are always wrong."

Someone whistled to get Lincoln's attention.

Lincoln: "Huh?" [looks out his window on one end as a rock comes flying in through the other end and sees there's a note attached to it and reads it]

Lincoln: "Sorry, Lame-O. Here's my number. Text me?" [confused; smiles and looks out the window and gets a steak thrown at his eye; notices it has a note too and reads it] "For your eye. XOXO, Ronnie Anne." [smiles hopefully, places steak over his shiner and turns to the viewers] "Okay, maybe just this one time my sisters were right. But don't tell them that!"

Riley: Don't think about it. They're gonna meddle.

Lincoln turned at her and smiled.


	5. Chapter 5: Making the Case

Lincoln: "The Loud Family trophy case. My sisters have done some pretty impressive stuff to get in here. There are Lynn's soccer trophies, Lola's pageant crowns, Lisa's Junior Nobel Prize, even Lily's won her thumb sucking contests! And then there's me." [shows that such trophies are in their proper spots, but his spot is completely vacant and sighs] "I've tried everything to get into this trophy case."

[A series of flashbacks take place; Flashback #1, Lincoln is shown running a marathon but arrives at the finish line hours after it had finished; Flashback #2, Lincoln is in a karate tournament and breaks his arm when trying to display a karate chop; Flashback #3, Lincoln is competing in a beauty pageant, which is usually Lola's territory]

Judge: "And the winner of the Little Miss Cutie Pie Pageant is...Liiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn-dsey Sweetwater!"

[Lincoln sulks; end flashbacks]

Lincoln: "But now, I finally have my chance! The 5th Grade Video Contest. Whoever's video gets the most votes wins this beauty." [points to trophy on display, breathes on the glass, and draws a heart around it, Clyde wipes it off]

Clyde: "You really think you're going to win, Lincoln?"

Lincoln: "With what I have planned, I'm a shoe-in."

Riley: Are you sure about this? Everyone has won something.

Clyde: "You said the same thing about the Cutie Pie pageant."

Lincoln: [defensively] "I was robbed!" [calmly] "Grab your camera."

Lincoln was wearing a uniform.

Lincoln: "Are we rolling?" [in character] "Hey, fifth grade! Lincoln Loud here! Ever wonder what happens when 672 breath mints meet 88 gallons of diet soda? Well, you're about to find out!" [rides on Lynn's skateboard off a ramp onto a catapult where he is launched by Charles and Cliff into a swimming pool full of diet soda, causing the soda and mints to shoot out like a geyser]

Clyde: [drenched in soda] "That was amazing! You're right. Everyone's gonna vote for this."

A while later, no one voted for the video.

Lincoln: "Why isn't anybody voting for this?"

Clyde: "Maybe because they're all voting for this HamstaCam video." [uploads video of what is simply a hamster just running around in his wheel like any other hamster]

Lincoln: [notices the vote total] "50 votes?! Pssh! What's so great about some dumb hamster?" [Geo overheard that and chitters at him angrily] "Not you, Geo. You're awesome."

Clyde: "Hey! We got a vote! No, wait, it's a comment."

Nice try, U shld go to UR BIG SISTER'S site for some tipzz. Her videos R sick: L.O.L. COMEDY CHANNEL

Clyde: "Sick? Oh, no! Do you think they have a virus!"

Lincoln: "It means awesome, Clyde. Click the link."

[Clyde does so]

LUAN OUT LOUD'S COMEDY CHANNEL

Lincoln: "Cute, but how many people wanna watch Luan-" [notices her fan total] "50,000 followers?! Clyde, do you know what this means?"

Clyde: "People waste a lot of time on the internet?"

Lincoln: "No! It means Luan can help us win the video contest! Come on!"

Luan was watching Lincoln's video.

Luan: "Mm-hmm..."

Lincoln: "Pretty sick, right?"

Clyde: "That means awesome."

Luan: "Yeah, not in this case."

Lincoln: [shocked] "What?!"

Riley: He's trying his best!

Luan: "Sorry, Linc. Stunts are so last year. If you want to win the contest, you have to make funny videos."

Lincoln: "Well, how do I make those?"

Luan: "Easy. You just follow my one simple rule. Keep your camera on at all times, because you never know when you'll strike comedy gold. Ooh! Like this!" [films Clyde picking his nose]

Clyde: "Aw, come on! Erase that!"

Luan: "Don't worry, Clyde. I would never post it without your permission. Besides, I said comedy gold, not digging for gold." [laughs]

A few hours later...

Lincoln: "We've had the camera on all day! Where exactly is this comedy gold?" [beat] "Clyde? Are you listening to me?"

Clyde: "Sorry, Lincoln. I was just worried that Lynn was going to accidentally step on that rake, resulting in a series of escalating mishaps."

Lincoln: "That's great, Clyde, but-series of escalating mishaps?!" [hides in a bush to film Lynn]

Lynn: [bouncing a Soccer ball off her head] "56...57...58...59..." [steps on the rake and gets hit] "Ouch!"

The ball bounced off a pole and onto her face, sending her flying onto a trampoline where she bounced off and lands in the soda pool]

Lincoln: "That was hilarious!"

Clyde: "Let's go upload it! This is gonna get a ton of votes!"

Lincoln: "I don't know, Clyde. Enough votes to beat HamstaCam?"

Clyde: [shakes his fist] "HamstaCam!"

Lincoln: [gets an idea] "If we struck comedy gold with one sister, with ten, we'll have Comedy Fort Knox!"

They laugh evilly and then film Luna.

Luna: [in a British accent] "Just like me idol, Mick Swagger. ALL RIGHT!" [splits and rips her new jeans; in her normal accent] "Oof! Ooh, drafty."

Lincoln and Clyde zoomed-in on her rip and laugh and moved onto Lucy who's holding a bust of a vampire.

Lucy: "Oh, Edwin, I know you're forbidden to love a mortal like me, but I can't resist your piercing gaze, your sparkly skin, your icy lips..." [kisses the bust and gets its wax lips over hers]

Lincoln: "Hmm...maybe something like this is a little too personal."

Clyde: [checks the school's site's poll] "HamstaCam just got 10 more votes!"

Riley: Well Congratulations to HamstaCam.

Lincoln: [shakes fist] "HamstaCam! Eh, it's not that personal. Keep rolling."

They then secretly filmed Lori who is walking up to the fridge and looks around and thinks she's alone; she then let out what looks like a fart; next, they filmed Lola who is sleeping with a mud mask, a sleeping mask, hair curlers, and a retainer to make herself beautiful; they moved onto Lana who was going through the trash and found a piece of gum and chewed it.

Riley: Ew!

They filmed Lori again while she's texting and she presumably let out another fart; they filmed Lisa who was reading a science book until she walked into the banister; Leni came in and ran into the wall next to the banister; they filmed Lori once more while she's getting ready to go out for a drive and she presumably farted again; she notices the stench and rolls down the window.

Clyde: [intoxicated] "Ah, Lori's toots. It's like music to my ears."

Riley facepalmed.

Lincoln: "Now, this is gonna beat HamstaCam! Let's go upload it!"

Clyde remained under the guise of Lori's flatulence and Lincoln drags him with him.

The next day at school, all the kids were talking about Lincoln's video.

Female Classmate: "Lincoln, your video rocks! You got my vote!"

Male Classmate: "Man. Lucy and that sculpture? What a weirdo!"

Female Classmate: "And how about Lori?"

Male Classmate: "You mean Miss Toots-A-Lot? She should see a doctor about that."

As the kids laugh, Lincoln started to look a little worried]

Female Classmate: "So embarrassing."

Lincoln: [worrying] "Embrrassing?"

Male Classmate: "Yeah! My sisters would pulverize me if I posted a video like that!"

Lincoln; [scared] "Pulverize?"

Clyde: "You can't get pulverized, Lincoln! I'd never be able to find another best friend!"

Lincoln: "You won't have to. After I win the trophy on Friday, I'll just delete the video."

Riley: Come on, Lincoln. I bet they wouldn't mind.

Clyde: [hugs his best friend] "Just in case...we had a good run, buddy."

Lincoln: "Don't worry, Clyde. My sisters will never know."

But just as he opened the door, his sisters were right there, and they were incredibly furious.

Clyde: "They know."

The sisters ranted about Lincoln's video.

Lincoln: "Wait, wait, wait! Let me explain!"

Lori: "You've got exactly three seconds before we pulverize you!"

Lynn cracked her knuckles and Lisa started a stopwatch to time Lincoln's very limited time.

Lincoln: "There was this video contest at school and I really wanted to win!"

Lola: "YOU SHOWED MY SLEEP FACE FOR SOME STUPID CONTEST?!"

Lincoln: "I just wanted a trophy to put in the case like you guys!"

Luna: "You think you deserve a trophy for that, bro?"

Lincoln: "No. I don't deserve it. Look! I'll delete the video!"

Lucy: "Too late, Lincoln. The damage has already been done."

Lynn: "You made me look like a fool!"

Lucy: "You made me look like a freak!"

Lori: "You made me look like I fart! And for the record, it was these shoes! See?" [tries to make it look like they were making the farting noise but fails] "Of course it's not working now."

Lincoln: "Lori, I'm sorry! Wait!" [chases after his sisters]

[Clyde leaves]

Lincoln: "Luna, let me explain!"

Luna: [drowning Lincoln out with heavy metal frustration] "Can't hear ya, bro!" [slams her door]

Lincoln: "Leni! Lori! I'm sorry!"

Lori: "You literally disgust me!"

Leni: "Yeah!" [walks into the wall and gets dragged in by Lori]

Lincoln: "Lola! Lana! Please!"

Lola: "You're uninvited to my birthday party FOREVER!" [slams the door]

[Lincoln sighs and Lana opens it which he thinks she will forgive him]

Lana: "I wanna slam it, too!" [does so]

Lincoln: [knocks on Lisa's door] "Lisa! Lisa?" [Lisa slides a note under the door] "Vengeance shall be mine." [turns to Lynn and Lucy] "Guys, come on! I'm your brother!"

[Lynn growls in fury]

Lucy: "I have no brother!" [starts to close the door then opens it] "I know I say that a lot, but this time...I mean it." [slams door]

Lincoln: "Luan, you gotta help me! I was only doing what you said!"

Luan: "You broke the unspoken rule: never post a video without the person's permission!"

Lincoln: "Why didn't you tell me that?"

Luan: "Because it's unspoken." [slams door]

Lincoln: [sighs] "How am I going to fix this? Well, goodbye, trophy." [deletes the video]

Computer: "DELETED."

Lincoln: "Well, HamstaCam, looks like you win."

Extra footage of HamstaCam showed the hamster slipping out of his wheel and getting sprayed by his drinking tube.

Lincoln: "I guess it's hard for anyone to have the camera on you all the time." [gets an idea] "Camera on you all the time! That's it!" [goes to Luan] "Luan! You said your one simple rule is to always have your camera on, right?"

Luan: "That is correct, Captain Obvious."

Lincoln: "Then I'm going to need to borrow all your footage of me."

Luan: "You mean...Comedy Fort Knox?" [reveals a vault of footage of Lincoln she's filmed over the years]

Lincoln was filming another video. Riley was next to him smiling at the camera.

Lincoln: "Hey, fifth grade! Lincoln Loud here! Ever wonder what happens when one brother messes up and embarrasses all ten of his sisters? I didn't think you would. But this is how you fix it."

Riley held up a copyright card.

Riley: "Oh, and for legal reasons, all videos were provided by Luan Loud Out, LLC. All right reserved, patent pending. Let 'er rip!"

[The first clip is of Lincoln in his underwear pretending to flex muscles and kissing his arm; the next clip is of him holding a photo of a girl named Cristina]

Lincoln: [suavely] "Well, Cristina, I can't say I'm surprised you asked me out. I've seen the way you look at me in the lunch line."

[The next clip is of him dancing around in some silly outfit; the next clip has him combing his one chest hair and for some reason watering it; the next clip is of him watching a sappy reality show about a man choosing his woman]

Man: "Bentley, will you accept this rose?"

[Lincoln starts weeping; more footage of him admiring Cristina]

Lincoln: "Oh, this manly thing? Yes. It is a chest hair. The first of many, I'm sure."

[The next clip is of him sleeping with Bun-Bun and sucking his thumb; the next clip is of Lori cutting a fart and Lincoln walking by and falling over from the stench; the next clip is of him singing in the shower]

Lincoln: "Groomin' the chest hair, I'm groomin' the chest hair, I'm groomin' the-" [slips and falls]"

[Even more footage of him and the Cristina photo]

Lincoln; "Come on, Cristina. I've thought about it, you've thought about it, why are we fighting this?" [puts on breath spray, but the photo slips off the bust he taped the photo on and he kisses the bust instead]

[The video is over and all of the kids are laughing at it, except a stunned Cristina]

Female Classmate: "Oh, Lincoln."

Male Classmate: "And just to be clear, we're laughing at you, not with you."

Female Classmate: "I thought your sisters' video was embarrassing, but this takes the cake! And still to lose out to a hamster? Ouch!" [Lincoln sighs in defeat]

When Lincoln and Riley got home...

Lincoln: "I sure hope that worked." [opens the door only to find out that his sisters are STILL furious] "It didn't work."

Lori: [sternly] "Lincoln..."

Lincoln: [apologetically] "I know I embarrassed you and I can't undo it, and I'm sorry, but the least I could do was embarrass myself right along with you, that way we'd all be even!"

Lynn: "Even? You think this makes us even?"

Lincoln: "Well, I was trying to-"

Lynn: "Yours was way worse!"

Lori: [cheerfully] "Yeah! That video was hysterical!"

The girls surrounded Lincoln and ensured him that they forgive him.

Lincoln: "So, we're good?"

Lucy: "We're good...brother."

Luan: "Sorry you didn't win the trophy."

Lori: "But we really appreciate what you did and thought you deserved something." [hands him a tiny trophy]

Lincoln: "Wow. Thanks, guys."

[Lola and Lynn hug him and Luna pats him on the head; he runs to the case and puts the trophy in his spot]

Lincoln: "Most Improved Brother. I did it. My sisters no longer despise me, Cristina's switching classes, and I finally made the case."

Riley: Good job, Lincoln! I knew you could do it!

Another flatulent sound occured and the other girls looked at Lori suspiciously.

Lori: "It was my shoe!"


	6. Chapter 6: Driving Miss Hazy

Lincoln: "Come on, Lori! This is a lot of laundry! I don't think it's worth it."

Lincoln was carrying a huge load of Lori's laundry and Lori had the keys to the family van.

Lori: "Do you want a ride to the comic book store or not?"

Lincoln: [sighs] "Fine." [prepares to leave but Lori stops him]

Lori: "Whoa whoa whoa! Where are you going? Those are just my jeggings. Let me get the rest." [tosses remainders into pile] "Wore that yesterday...wore that Tuesday...whoops! That definitely needs to be washed!"

The pile falled on top of Lincoln and he pulls it off. An image of Lori's driver's license appears on screen.

Lincoln: "Lori's the only Loud kid with a driver's license. Which means that, in this house..." [gets one of Lori's socks tossed on his face] "...there's no such thing as a free ride."

Lisa then walked in with a piece of paper.

Lisa: "In exchange for transporting me to the planetarium, I've done your calculus homework. Next time, I would appreciate a challenge."

Lucy appeared out of nowhere scaring everyone and making Lincoln lose the load.

Lucy: "Thanks for the ride to the cemetery. I finished your poem for your ten week anniversary. It's called "Bobby"."

Lori: "Let's hear it."

Lucy: [clears throat] "Bobby, I thought you were a stalker / When you left brownies in my locker / Bobby-"

Lana walked in with her retainer.

Lana: "Hey, big sis!" [holding Lori's retainer] "I found your missing retainer in the garbage, and there was some perfectly good gum stuck to it!" [blows a bubble showing she's been chewing it]

Lori: "So, where do you need a ride to?"

Lana: "Ride? I just like digging in the trash."

Lori: [content with their services; picks up her homework, poem, and retainer in order] "Thank you, thank you, and thank...ew! See, Lincoln? These guys respect our arrangement. Oh, and here are my dirty gym clothes, too." [piles it on the laundry pile, stacking it up high]

Lincoln smelled the pile.

Lori: "And don't forget, I like the lavender scented dryer sheets." [closes door]

Lincoln headed off to the laundry room. At the same time, Leni came in with a hammer, nails, and boards. They bumped into each other and made a mess.

Lincoln: [with Leni's shades on his face] "Sorry, Leni!" [Leni's hammer drops on his foot] "Yeowch!" [groans in pain] "What are you doing with all this stuff?"

Leni: "I need a ride to the mall, so Lori told me to make her bed, which is weird, cause I'm pretty sure she already has one."

Riley: Everyone is doing something so Lori can take them somewhere.

Lincoln: "Wait. Why are you doing chores for Lori? Aren't you old enough to drive yourself to the mall?"

Leni: "Yeah, but I failed the driving test 12 times. Everyone's given up on teaching me. Dad's still mad about the Fire Hydrant Paperboy Nun Incident."

[flashback to said incident; Leni had crashed the van into a tree and set a fire hydrant to spring a leak with a nun screaming at the top of her lungs in a panic and a paper boy is hanging by a branch]

Leni: "Should I leave a note?"

[Lynn Sr. is sobbing over his daughter's failure; end flashback]

Lincoln: "What if I teach you to drive?"

Leni: [excited] "Wow! You have your license?"

Lincoln: "Well, no, but I do have a crazy high score on...Total Turbo XXII, the world's awesomest racing video game!"

Leni: [eager] "FUN!" [worried] "Wait. Are there nuns in it?"

Lincoln: "Nun that I know of!" [chuckles; turns to viewers] "If I can help Leni get her license, she'll drive us anywhere! And Lori will have to wash her own jeggings."

Riley: I wanna see you do that!

Lincoln gave Leni the steering wheel and put in the game.

Leni: "Wow! It's just like a real spinny thingy!"

Lincoln: "Technically, it's called a steering wheel. So, you ready to get started?"

Leni: "WAIT! I need my special driving outfit!" [changes into her special driving outfit and makes a couple of poses]

Lincoln: "Great. So, can we get sta-"

Leni: "WAIT! I need my special driving smoothie!" [makes a smoothie and takes a sip] "It's a soy pumpkin cookie crumble cream. It's seasonal!"

Riley: Okay. So, Lincoln, you know what to do.

Lincoln: "Great. So, now can we-"

Leni: "WAIT!"

Riley: Come on!

Lincoln: [exasperated] "What is it now?"

Leni: "Aren't you gonna open the door for me?" [takes another sip of her smoothie]

Riley facepalmed.

Lincoln: [sighs and pretends to open a car door with the sofa as the car] "Click! Creak!"

Leni: "What a gentleman." [sits down]

The game started. Leni is the image of the player.

Lincoln: "Okay, all you have to do is keep the steering wheel straight, and you'll-"

She then crashed and the game ended.

Leni: "Like that?"

Lincoln: "Um...let's try again."

Leni continued.

Lincoln: "Just keep the wheel straight."

Leni crashed again.

Lincoln: "Okay, one more time."

Leni continued again.

Lincoln: "The road is straight, so keep the wheel straight."

Leni crashed once again and her virtual self jumped out of the car and it exploded, resulting in yet another game over.

Lincoln: [irritated by his sister's incompetence] "Leni! You have to stay on the road!"

Leni: [tosses controller in frustration]"But, what's the point? We're not going anywhere fun!"

Riley: Don't be mad. Just try again!

Lincoln: "Sure we are! We're going to, uh...the mall!"

Leni: [gasps and takes controller back] "Why didn't you say so?"

Game announcer: "GAME ON!"

This time, Leni does it perfectly.

Lincoln: "Wow! Go, Leni!"

Leni: [her player stuck behind a Sunday driver] "Move it, slowpoke! Mama needs a new driving dress!" [drives off a billboard and moves ahead; gets to the mall at the end of the level and beats Lincoln's high score]

Lincoln: [amazed[ "That was incredible!"

Riley: Good job, Leni!

Leni: [has her virtual self punch an old lady] "Outta my way, granny!"

Lincoln: "Easy there fast and furious." [takes away controller]

Leni: "BUT I HAVE TO GET TO THE MALL!"

Lincoln: "The mall can wait. You've got a driving test to pass."[Leni grins and heads out the door] "Go, Leni, go! Go, Leni, go!" [notices Leni went in the wrong direction] "Wait! The bus stop is that way!" [Leni turns around and heads the other way] "Go, Leni, go! Go, Leni, go!"

Lincoln and Riley were waiting for Leni. She got home a few minutes later.

Lincoln: "Did you pass?"

Cop: "No, she did not! She did, however, refuse to obey the speed limit, fail to use her turn signals, and she redirected the test vehicle toward the mall, where she proceeded to hip-check and tackle Mrs. Jelinski!"

Mrs. Jelinski was yelling at Leni for injuring her.

Leni: "It's not fair! When I did all that in the game, I won! You guys need to get your rules straight!" [heads upstairs]

Riley: Wait, Leni! You can try again next time!

Lori: [having heard everything] "Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln. That's your plan? Teaching Leni to drive? She can't even drive a lawnmower."

[flashback to when Leni tried mowing the lawn]

Leni: [panicking] "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" [drives the mower through the hedges; end flashback]

Lori: "Trust me. You're gonna fail. You and Leni both. Now, where's Lynn. She owes me a pedicure." [looks for Lynn]

Lincoln: "This isn't over yet." [shakes fist]

Inside Lori and Leni's room, Leni had gone back to literally making Lori's bed.

Lincoln: "Hey, Leni." [amazed at how she's doing] "What are you doing?"

Leni: "Going back to making Lori's bed."

Lincoln: "Nice craftsmanship. But you can't give up on driving. It was my fault you didn't pass the test."

Riley: It was?

Leni: "Maybe I'm just not meant to be behind the spinny thingy. You know?"

Lincoln: "No. See, my video game approach was all wrong. Let me try a different method." [holds up an instruction manual]

Lincoln and Riley set up a pretend car test for Leni to practice on.

Lincoln: "Okay, lesson one: preparing to drive."

Lynn walked in with a sanding tool.

Lynn: "Ah, you're teaching Leni to drive? Score! Can I help? I'm sick of sanding Lori's calluses! Ugh, barf!" [tosses tool away]

Lincoln: "Thanks, Lynn!"

Lucy: [out of nowhere] "Me too." [Lincoln, Riley and Leni scream at her appearance] "I can't write another poem for Bobby. I've run out of words that rhyme with 'babe'".

Lincoln: [chuckles nervously] "Thanks, Lucy..."

Lola, Lisa, Lana, Luan and Luna then asked to help.

Lola: "I can help!"

Luna: "I'll help! I'll help!"

Luan: [takes off her gag glasses] "Me, too! I wanna help!"

Lana: "Me me me me!"

Lisa: "I can be of assistance."

Lincoln: "Alright guys, we need to set it up like a real car." [They gather up some of their things and do as Lincoln told them] "Thanks, guys! Luna's bass drum is the brake. And Luan's whoopee cushion is the accelerator." [puts foot on them to demonstrate their uses]

Luan: "Accelerator? Don't you mean gas?" [chuckles] "Get it?"

Riley: [laughs] Good one, Luan!

Lincoln: "This golf club's the gear shift. The wreath is the steering wheel. Car horn, turn signal, and...oh! These keys..." [grabs Lily's baby toy keys] "...are, well...the keys. Got all that?"

Everyone smiled.

Leni: [obviously confused] "...Sure."

Others: "GREAT!"

Lincoln: "Okay, first, fasten your seat belt."

Lola put some of her sashes on them to simulate the seat belts.

Leni: "That was easy."

Lincoln: "Next, check your mirrors."

Leni: [panicking] "Why? Do I look bad?"

Lincoln: "No, no, no, no. I meant-"

Leni: [runs off] "Stop the car! I can't drive in this hideous condition!"

Everyone groaned. Leni came back wearing a helmet.

Leni: "That's better."

Lincoln: [sighs] "Lesson 12: Avoiding road hazards. There's a squirrel in the road. What do you do?"

Lily walked in with a squirrel outfit. Leni screamed in horror. It felt hopeless for the kids.

Lincoln: "Use your turn signal!" [Leni taps Luna's drum] "No, that's the brake!" [Leni taps Luan's whoopee cushion] "No, that's the gas!" [Leni slaps him] "No, that's my face!" [points to ladle] "This! This is the turn signal!"

Leni: "Oh! You mean the blinky blink?"

Lincoln: [discombobulated] "The blinky blink?"

Leni: "Yeah. It's right by the spinny thingy." [points to wreath]

Lincoln: "The spinny..." [realizes] "That's the problem! I haven't been speaking Leni!"

Leni: "There's a country named after me?"

Riley: No.

Lincoln: "No. I mean, I haven't been using words you understand. Let me try again. Use the blinky blink." [Leni nods with a rattle sound effect and flips the blinky blink] "Good. Now turn left." [Leni doesn't know] "I mean, turn to your good side." [Leni gets it and turns to her good side] "Now we're getting somewhere! Hey, crew, we're gonna need some new car parts."

The kids saluted and got to work right to work. They replaced Luna's bass drum with a white high heel shoe.

Lincoln: "This is a break pedal. What does the break pedal do?"[Leni doesn't know] "White shoes after Labor Day!"

Leni: "Ew, stop!"

Lincoln: "Exactly."

Luan: [takes back her whoopee cushion] "I gas you won't be needing this." [chuckles]

Lola scowled at Luan's pun and handed Lincoln a Go-Go boot.

Lincoln: "This is the gas pedal. What does the gas pedal do?" [Leni doesn't know] "Boots from the 60's."

Leni: "Go-Go!"

Lincoln: "Yes! Leni, I think you're ready for the next level!"

Leni practiced on the lawnmower.

Lincoln: "Remember what we practiced, Leni!"

Leni: "Go-go boot!" [accelerates] "White shoe!" [stops for a squirrel to pass] "Go-go boot!" [accelerates; heading for the hedges]

Siblings: [worried what might happen] "Whoa! Watch out!"

Leni: "Good side!" [turns left in the nick of time]

Everyone started cheering.

Lincoln: "She's doing it! Yeah, nice job, Leni!"

Leni: "I'm doing it!"

Meanwhile, Lori was doing her laundry.

Lori: "Stupid jeggings!" [pulls them through the door only for them to fall on top of her] "Where is everybody? LYNN! I'M STILL WAITING ON THAT PEDICURE!" [suddenly hears the others cheering outside and finds out that Leni has improved so much that she can now sign her name on the lawn]

Riley: Great job, Leni!

Lori: "I'm not giving up the car keys that easily..."

It's bedtime later.

Lincoln: "Night, Leni! You're gonna do great tomorrow!" [leaves]

Leni: "Night, Lincoln! Night, Lori!"

Lori fell asleep; Leni put on her sleeping mask and turned off the lights.

Lori: "Click."

Leni: "Got it!" [goes to sleep]

Lori slipped a fake driving instruction tape over Leni's ears to ensure that she will remain the only kid in the family with a driver's license and Leni will be doomed to fail.

Recording: "Never check your mirrors. Always comment on your driving instructor's weight. In America, we drive on the left side of the road."

Lori fell asleep this time, for real. The next day, Lincoln and Riley were waiting for Leni to get back from her driving test.

Lori: [with her load of jeggings] "Ah! There you are! Don't you need a ride to the comic book store? And lavender sheets. Don't forget." [hands him jeggings]

Lincoln: "No, thanks." [hands jeggings back] "I think I'll wait for Leni to get back from taking her driving test, with her new license."

Lori: "Pssht. She's not gonna pass. Now, get to washing." [passes jeggings]

Lincoln: [passes back] "Actually, I'm pretty sure she will pass."

Lori: "No she won't. Because I made sure of it."

Lincoln: [shocked at what Lori just said] "Wait. What?"

Riley: Can you be honest?

Lori: "Nothing!"

Lincoln: "Oh, no, you don't!" [grabs a sweater with a wolf howling at the full moon] "So help me, Lori, I will shrink your favorite Bobby sweater in the dryer if you don't tell me what you-"

Lori: [admitting defeat] "STOP! FINE!" [grabs sweater and puts it on] "I might have sabotaged Leni by giving her bad driving instructions while she slept, but it's just because if Leni can drive, my room will never be clean and no one will ever need me for anything ever again!" [Gets sadder near the end]

Riley: SERIOUSLY?!

Lincoln: "Are you crazy, woman?! What if your bad driving instructions make Leni crash? What if she gets hurt?"

Lori: "I didn't think of that..."

Lincoln: "We gotta get to the DMV!"

Lori busted out the keys. They arrived at the DMV where Leni came out of the building. She wasn't hurt.

Lori: [relieved] "Oh, thank goodness, she's okay."

Lincoln: [still hopeful] "And maybe she passed!"

Cop: "No, she did not! She did, however, drive on the wrong side of the road, neglected to check her mirrors and commented on the driving instructor's weight!"

Leni: [gets in the van; heartbroken] "Well, that makes 14. Guess I'll have to drive a lawnmower forever."

Riley [putting her shoulders around Leni]: I'm sorry, Leni.

Lincoln: "Look, Leni. It wasn't your fault."

Leni: "Yes, it was. You worked so hard to help me pass. You even learned to speak Leni. Which I still can't believe there's a country named after me." [sighs] "I blew it. I was just thinking about all the fun places I would drive us to. The mall, the comic book store, the mall...I'm sorry I let you down."

Lori felt extremely guilty about her follies.

Lori: "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! It was my fault! I sabotaged your test."

Leni: [not knowing the meaning of the word] "Sabo...tage?"

Lincoln: "It's like she went and bought the dress she knew you wanted."

Leni: [gasps] "HOW COULD YOU?!"

Lori: "I'm really sorry, Leni. But I know how to make it up to you."

Leni: [excited] "You'll buy me the dress?!" [Lincoln, Riley and Lori facepalm at her taking Lincoln's example literally]

A few days later...

Lincoln: "It was really nice of you to help Leni practice for her next test."

Lori: [a little shaken] "It's the least I could do."

Leni drove the van into the swimming pool, forgetting all about what Lincoln and Riley taught her.

Leni: "Is this the carpool lane?"

Riley: Great.


	7. Chapter 7: No Guts, No Glori

Lincoln and Riley's room. Riley and Lincoln were enjoying a nice glass of lemonade with crazy straws.

Lincoln: "Ah, Friday night. You survived another week of school. Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles, and crack open a brand new video game." [gets out a copy of Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter and smells it] "Love that new game smell." [Suddenly picks up another scent; one that worries him] "Wait a minute." [sniffs again] "Is that...Oh no!"

The sisters start picking up the scent.

Lucy: "Sniff. Sniff."

Lincoln: "Mom's expensive perfume. Which can only mean one thing." [checks the calendar and finds out what tonight is] "Date night! Which can only mean one other thing!"

Rita: "Lori's in charge! Do as she says! Bye!" [leaves]

Lincoln: "NOOOOOOOOO! She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around! In this house, we call her the Queen of-"

Lori: [from upstairs] "NO!" [unplugs Luna's amplifiers] "NO MUSIC!" [tosses Lana's mud pie in the trash] "NO MUD PIES!" [approaches Leni who's talking on the phone] "NO-"

Leni: "Way! That's totes cray cray!"

Lori: [hangs up Leni's call] "No phone calls." [takes away Riley's book] NO READING! [takes away Lincoln's game] "AND NO VIDEO GAMES!"

Riley: Goodness.

Lori was in a military outfit. She blew a whistle, which had the kids (lining up with Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Riley, Lincoln, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa, Lily, Charles, Cliff, Geo and Walt) lining up.

Lori: "At ease!" [Everyone feels calmer now] "JUST KIDDING! NOBODY IS TO BE AT EASE IN MY PRESENCE!" [the others regain their forms] "As you know, Mom and Dad left me in charge. That means, you have to do as I say, whether you're tall, short, or covered in fur and can only understand the word "sit"."

Charles, Cliff, and Geo sat down on Lori's command, but Walt tipped over in his endeavor and knocked Geo's hamster ball to the side.

Lori: [busts out a chart of tonight's schedule] "Now, here is our schedule for this evening. 6:00 to 7:00: Sitting on bed with arms folded. 7:00 to 7:30: Chow. 7:30 to 8:00: Thorough cleaning of mess hall. 8:00: Staring at wall until falling asleep. Everyone got that?"

Lincoln, Riley, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lisa, and Lily: "MAM, YES, MAM!"

Lana: "SIR, YES, SIR!"

Lori glared at Lana angrily.

Lori: "DISMISSED!"

Everyone ran back upstairs while Geo hopped up each step. Lincoln opened his door and put a note in Geo's hamster ball.

Lincoln: "Hey, Geo. Want a snack, boy?" [tosses the snack over to Lola and Lana's door]

Geo rolled over, opened his ball, got the treat, and got the twins' attention. Lincoln did this with his other sisters; the note told them to meet in Lincoln's room and they snuck over to Lincoln's room. Luan had camouflaged herself with the wall and snuck in. Leni was the only one who still hasn't snuck out of her room since she was with Lori at the moment; she began to sneak off while wearing a scarf.

Lori: [suspicious] "Leni, what are you doing?"

Leni: "I'm not Leni. I'm wearing a scarf."

Lori: [not fooled one bit] "You've got five minutes to do your business."

Leni snuck to Lincoln and Riley's room.

Lola: This better be good. You know how much trouble we'll be in if Lori finds out we're not in our rooms?"

Lincoln: "Rooms? More like prison cells! Every time Lori's left in charge, she makes our lives miserable. Well, I say no more! It's time to take back our Friday nights! Luna, do you like it when Lori unplugs your amp mid-jam?"

Luna: "It's way harsh."

Lincoln: "And Lana, how about when Lori throws out your mud pies?"

Lana: "I work hard on those!"

Lincoln: And Riley, how about when Lori takes away your book?

Riley: Yeah! Reading occupies me!

Lincoln: "And Lily, what about when Lori won't let you run around naked?" [Lily takes off her diaper and blows a raspberry in protest] "Then let's do something about it!"

Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Riley, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, and Lily: "YEAH!"

Back in Lori and Leni's room, Lori was trying to paint her toenails like in her magazine, but she didn't seem to have gotten it down. Suddenly, Luna's jam came back on, which Lori does not take well as it was going against her orders]

Lori: [sees Lily playing] "Lily? What are you-"

Just then, there were some creaks and Lori noticed that the others were right behind her. They tackled her and she screams for help. Just then, it was shown that they tied her up to a chair.

Lori: [furious] "Hey! What is going on?"

Lincoln: "Your power trip is over! We're taking back our Friday nights!"

Lori: "Power trip?"

Lincoln: "Just admit it. You get a sick thrill out of bossing us around."

The others concured.

Lori: "You think I enjoy this? Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble! It's not like any of you could do it."

Lana: "Yuh-huh. Lincoln could."

Lincoln: [surprised] "I could?"

Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Riley, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, and Lily: "WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN! WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN!"

Lincoln and Lori were flabbergasted.

Lori: [condescendingly] "Lincoln in charge? Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box."

Cliff is right next to his litter box and suddenly went right on the carpet.

Lincoln: "Oh yeah? Challenge accepted!" [takes the whistle] "Take her away!"

They took Lori to her room.

Lori: "You won't last five minutes!" [laughs maniacally] HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Lincoln: [shuts the door] "Lola, guard this door. No one goes in, no one comes out."

Lola nodded in agreement and got a Golf club to guard the door while dressing up as a security guard.

Lincoln: "Say goodbye to the Queen of No..." [tosses whistle on the floor] "...and hello to the King of Yes!"

The kids cheered in victory. Luna was finally jamming out.

Lincoln: "Yes to music!" [cranks the tunes and puts a happy face on Lana's mud pie] "Yes to mud!"

Leni: [on the phone] "Seriously?"

Lincoln: "Yes to phone calls! Yes to reading! And yes to video games!" [turns his game on]

Game announcer: "Round 1: Fight!"

But just before Lincoln could start playing, Leni screamed and Lincoln paused the game to see what's wrong. It turns out that Luan was chasing Leni around with a rubber spider.

Lincoln: "Uh...okay. Have fun. Just don't get too crazy."

Just then, Luna's amps were at a really high volume.

Lincoln: "RAD SOUNDS! MAYBE NOT SO LOUD!" [turns it down a little which Luna doesn't understand]

Lincoln tried to get back to his game, but there was an explosion and the smoke alarm went off. Turned out, it was Lisa. Riley came out of her room. She gasped.

Riley: LISA! WHAT HAPPENED!

Lincoln: [concerned] "What was that?!"

Lisa: "It's science. You wouldn't understand." [just then, a tentacle grabs Lisa and drags her back in] "AAH!" [the door closes]

Lincoln: "Just keep it on a leash!"

Just before he could resume his game, he found Lily on top of a bookshelf throwing books on the floor and walking over to the edge of the shelf. Lincoln climbed up the shelf to save her.

Lincoln: "LILY! STOP!"

Lincoln caught her on time.

Lincoln: "Lana! You can't fish in there! Those are pets." [notices Lily escaped and uses Lana's fishing rod to reel her back in]

Lynn came in with a bucket of dirt and poured the dirt on the floor.

Lincoln: "Lynn! What are you doing?"

Lynn: "Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt."

Lincoln: "Give me that bucket!"

Lincoln was in a crossfire of pizza slices and waffles tossed by Lana and Lucy who are having a food fight. He shielded himself with a cookie sheet and the pizza and waffles plaster all over it and make a rather gorgeous painting which impresses him. Lynn was pouring water from the hose all over the carpet and then got pegged by an incoming gourd; the hose then started going wild; Leni was on the phone while Luan is still chasing her with her rubber spider.

Leni: "Hi, exterminator guy! Do you do spiders?" [sees the hose] "Ew! What about water snakes?"

The hose squirted Luan but she kept chasing Leni; Lincoln tripped over the telephone wire and landed in the mud and notices Lucy built a fort of diapers]

Lincoln: "Lucy! What are you doing with all those diapers?"

Lana wailed crazily and threw meatballs at Lincoln and Lucy.

Lucy: "Incoming." [gets down]

Lincoln: [takes cover with her only for their fort wall to be damaged] "Diaper wall breach!"

Lana fired a cupcake at them, but Lucy stopped it by plugging up the hole with Lily's butt; Lily giggled.

Luna: "FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK!" [sets her amps to "Super Max" and has fireworks all set up for a big finale]

Lincoln: "LUNA!" [slow motion] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

But it was too late. Luna played a chord and the noise blasted Lincoln right into the wall which left a dent; just then, Lori's taunting words echoed in his mind.

Echo Lori: "Lincoln in charge? Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box."

Cliff walked to the fireplace.

Lincoln: [irked] "Oh, really, Cliff?" [gets steamed up; unplugs Luna's amps] "No guitar playing..." [takes Lana's food] "...no food fights..." [stops Lynn from riding her bike in the house] "...no dirt bikes, and no science experiments!" [takes Lisa's beakers and tosses them, causing an explosion]

The others were very mad at him.

Lynn: "Who do you think you are? Lori?

They laugh and keep enjoying their Friday night.

Lincoln: "No. I'm not." [realizing] "Lori!" [heads to Lori's room only to be stopped by Lola]

Lola: "Hey! No one goes in, no one comes out! Boss's orders!"

Lincoln: "Those were my orders! Let me in!"

Lola: "I'm gonna need you to step back, sir."

Lincoln: "Sorry about this, Lola." [charges at Lola with a war cry; Lola whacks him with the golf club and knocks him out]

He soon realized that he was tied up like Lori was.

Lola: "Uh, no no no. I'm sorry, Lincoln. ANYONE ELSE?!" [beat] "I DIDN'T THINK SO!"

Lincoln then saw Geo.

Lincoln: "Geo! You want a treat, boy?" [Geo rolls over to get the treats] "They're in my back pocket. Come on. Get 'em!" [Geo starts gnawing on the rope] "Little more." [Geo bites in a soft spot] "YOW! Too far!" [Geo gets him free] "Good boy." [gives him a treat]

Meanwhile, Lori had broke free from the ropes.

Lincoln: "Lori! Lori!" [climbs in through window]

Lori: "Ha! I knew you wouldn't last five minutes."

Lincoln: [despondently] "It's only been five minutes?" [gets it together] "It's a mad house down there! You've got to help me!"

Lori: "Nah. I'm thinkin' Lincoln. You handle it."

Lincoln: "I can't! You're the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble." [Luna's fireworks go off] "Or ashes."

Lori: "And?"

Lincoln: "I couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box."

Lori: "And?"

Lincoln: "I'm sorry."

Lori: "That's all I needed to hear." [puts on military shades] "Let's roll!"

They opened the door. Riley was waiting for Lincoln outside.

Lincoln: "I don't know how to get past her. She's an animal."

Riley: Yeah, what's gonna happen?

Lori covered his mouth, held up a pile of glitter, and blew it in Lola's direction.

Lola: [giddily chases after the sparkly cloud] "GLITTER!"

Lincoln: [impressed] "Glitter. Nice."

Riley: Nice work!

They went downstairs and they showed Lori the chaos.

Lincoln: [scared] "See what I mean?!"

Lori: "Observe." [busts out her whistle and blows it and gets their attention] "MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA BE HOME IN 10 MINUTES!"

The others all hurried to start cleaning up the mess.

Lincoln: "Brilliant."

Lori: "Yeah, you learn a few tricks as you get older." [hears her phone ringing and answers it] "Hello? Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Bye." [hangs up]

Lincoln: "Who was that?"

Lori: "Mom and Dad. They're gonna be home in 10 minutes."

Lincoln: [panicking] "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!"

Lori: "I got this. Luna. A little clean up music?"

Luna: "You got it, sis! 1, 2, 3!"

Lori blew her whistle and everyone did what they could to clean the house. Lana put the fish back in the tank, Lisa scrubbed the living room with a soap cannon and the help of her tentacle friend, Leni and Luan untangled the phone wire, Lynn used a hose to clean the kitchen and then put it outside, Cliff was about to go on the carpet, but Lori glared at him and he obeyed to go in his litter box, Lola tied up some trash and Lynn yanked it up on her dirt bike, Lincoln fished out Lily's diaper and put it on her, they all finished and carried everything else away as if the house was the same as it was when their parents left.

Luna: "GOODNIGHT, LOUD HOUSE!"

Riley: Good night, Lincoln!

Lincoln and Lori: Good night, Riley!

The girls went back to their rooms after a crazy Friday night, their parents were approaching and just as it seems all is well, there was still a dent in the wall from Lincoln's impact caused by Luna's power chord.

Lincoln: [gasps] "The wall!" [sees the painting from the food fight] "Lori! Catch!" [tosses it to Lori]

Lori caught it and quickly hung up the food art.

Lynn Sr.: "Wow! I can't believe the house is still standing!"

Lincoln: "What'd you expect? Lori's in charge."

Rita: "So, what are you guys up to?"

Lori: "Oh, we were just about to play a video game. You can't say "no" all the time."

Rita: "Oh, and look at this lovely piece of food art the kids made."

They start playing a video game.

Lynn Sr.: [screams] "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GOLF CLUB?!"

Lori and Lincoln realized they forgot something and were gonna get it.


	8. Chapter 8: The Sweet Spot

That night, Lincoln was packing up for the road trip he was going on with Riley and the family. Riley was reading her book.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Ah, road trips. That beloved tradition for families everywhere. Tomorrow, the Loud family's going on a trip of our own. Sounds fun, right? Not with 13 of us packed into the family wagon. Or as we affectionately call it: 'Vanzilla'. [looks down at the family van] Every seat in Vanzilla offers one kind of torture or another."

Lincoln grabbed his mattress and showed Riley his chart of Vanzilla.

Riley: What's that?

Lincoln: It's my chart of Vanzilla. Getting stuck next to Lily's car seat is no good.

[Flashback; Lincoln is seen reading his book. Offscreen, Lily's saliva gets on it.]

Lincoln: "Gah! Lily!"

[Giggling, Lily throws a beet, juice, and finally another beet at Lincoln. The boy is rendered unconscious.]

Lincoln x'ed out that seat and pointed to the back row.

Lincoln: "The back row is so far away from Mom and Dad, that it turns into the wild, wild west."

[Flashback; Lola and Lana look at each other angrily while Lincoln is seen with a comic book and soda between them.]

Lola: "Stop looking at me."

Lana: "You stop looking at me!"

[Lola and Lana fight near Lincoln. The fight stops shortly with Lincoln looking messy.]

Lincoln: "Come on! We haven't even left the driveway yet!"

Lincoln crossed out the back row and pointed to the first seat from the front.

Lincoln: "And this seat has the exact opposite problem."

[Flashback]

Lincoln: [voiceover] "It's right in Dad's sight line."

Lynn Sr.: "Feet off the seat!"

Lincoln looked at Lynn Sr., whose furious eyes could be seen in the driver's mirror. He scowled and took his foot off. Then a sappy tune plays over the radio.

Lincoln: "Plus, it's next to the one-working speaker."

Lynn Sr.: "Ooh, honey. It's our prom theme. Prrrrrrrr!"

He turned up the music even louder, making Lincoln annoyed. Cut back to Lincoln's room; he x'ed out that seat.

Lincoln: "And the rest of the seats only get worse." [shown here are still flashbacks of Lincoln on the other seats that aren't useful for him] "There's the sticky, the soggy, the springy, and the slanty. [x's out more seats until he points to the first seat from the second row] From my calculations, that leaves just one seat safe from it all. I call it 'The Sweet Spot.' And tomorrow, it will be mine, 'cause I'm gonna stake it out tonight."

Riley: Good luck. The girls would probably know about this.

Lincoln: I think they wouldn't mind.

Everyone had fallen asleep at 8:00.

Lincoln: "There's my cue. Everyone's asleep." [Lincoln grabs his duffle bag] "It's go time."

Lincoln tiptoed out of his and Riley's room. He stepped on Cliff's tail. Cliff meowed loudly in pain until Lincoln pet him to sleep. He got out the house and into the car.

Lincoln: [takes out his radio] "Come in, Nose Bleeder. This is Road Tripper."

Clyde: "Sorry, Road Tripper. I have to keep the line for my friend Lincoln."

Lincoln: "This is Lincoln.

Clyde: "Oh. Hi, Lincoln!"

Lincoln: "Operation Sweet Spot is a success. I've secured the seat.

Clyde: "Great job. [pause] So, who did you get to sit next to you?"

Lincoln: "Who did I get to sit next to me?"

Lincoln shouts in anger in the car.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "I'm sorry you had to see that. Having the wrong sister next to me could totally wreck the sweet spot. Okay, it definitely can't be Luan."

[Flashback; Lincoln is sitting next to Luan in the car]

Luan: [hits Lincoln with a pillow] "Airbag deployed!" [Laughs]

Lincoln: "And it can't be Lola."

[switch over to Lola giving Lincoln a manicure while his hand is oddly bobbing up and down]

Lola: "Hold still!"

Lincoln: [voice vibrating; bobbing up and down due to the spring] "I can't! I'm on the spring seat!" [Switch over to when he sat next to Lynn]

Lincoln: "And it can't be Lynn."

Lynn: "Let's play Auto Attack."

Lincoln: "How do you play that?"

Lynn: "I punch you every time I see a car." [sees a car carrier with a ton of cars driving by] "Ooh...good timing." [starts throwing a barrage of punches at Lincoln; end flashback]

Lincoln: "I got it! Leni!"

[Flashback to a road trip with a dazed Leni with Lincoln looking at her]

Lincoln: "The motion of the car always puts her in a daze, and she'll leave me alone."

[End flashback; Lincoln goes to Lori and Leni's room]

Leni: [having a fashion nightmare] "Oh, scrunchies! Oh, leg warmers!"

Lincoln: "Leni. Leni! LENI!" [shakes her awake] "Oh, good. You're awake. Listen. Will you sit next to me in the car tomorrow?"

Leni: "Sure. I mean, it's the least you could do. You did just save me from a bad fashion nightmare." [goes back to sleep]

Lincoln: "Yes!" [leaves]

Leni: [having another nightmare] "SOCKS WITH SANDALS!"

Riley: Did it work?

Lincoln: Yep! Leni's sitting next to me!

Lincoln snuck back to the Sweet Spot.

Lincoln: [on radio] "Road Tripper to Nose Bleeder."

Clyde: "Sorry, Road Tripper. I have to keep this line-"

Lincoln: "It's Lincoln! Operation: Seat Next To The Sweet Spot is a success."

Clyde: "Excellent! [pause] So, who's sitting behind you?"

Lincoln: "Who's sitting behind me?" [shouts in anger again; back in his room] "Ah, so many ways to ruin the Sweet Spot! All right, who can I have behind me? Definitely not Lana."

[Flashback to Lana sitting behind Lincoln and torturing him with a peashooter]

Lincoln: "Can you please stop?"

[Lana fires a pea right into his mouth and he starts choking; flashback to a trip where Lori was behind him]

Lincoln: "Definitely not Lori. She spends the whole ride texting with Bobby. Which means..."

Lori: [gags from nausea] "CARSICK!" [throws up on Lincoln and takes a picture of her vomit] "I totally have to text that to Bobby! What did I eat?"

[End flashbacks]

Lincoln: "I got it! Lisa! True, she won't shut up about all the dangers of car travel..."

[Flashback to Lisa behind Lincoln]

Lisa: "Tires could blow, a low-flying plane could shear the roof off, the brakes could fail, and we could plunge off a cliff..."

[Lincoln gets notably irritated from her babbling; end flashback]

Lincoln: "...but the beauty of the Sweet Spot is that it has one working window. The wind of the road will drown her out." [Making a deal with Lisa] "So, you'll sit behind me tomorrow?"

Lisa: "Sure. It's safer there anyway in case the engine comes loose and flies into the car, crushing everyone up front." [goes back to sleep]

Lincoln: "That window better work."

Riley: Who's sitting behind-

Lisa opened the door unexpectedly.

Lisa: "Hey, Lincoln?"

Lincoln: [yelps and hides the chart] "What Sweet Spot? I mean, hey!"

Lisa: "I have one addendum to our legally binding verbal agreement. I'll sit behind you only if Luna's not next to me. Her singing gives me an extreme case of tinnitus."

[Flashback to an irritated Lisa sitting next to Luna who's wailing to her music]

Lisa: "Where is a low-flying plane when you need one?"

[End flashback]

Lincoln: "No problem. I think I can move some things around to accommodate you."

Lisa left and Lincoln looked at the chart again and talked to Luna about Lisa's request.

Luna: "Sure. I'll sit up front, dude. As long as Lori isn't near me. I don't need to get ralphed on by the Princess of Puke."

Eventually, Lincoln had finally arranged the chart.

Lincoln: "And Leni goes here, and we're done!"

Back to the Sweet Spot...

Lincoln: [on radio] "Road Tripper to Nose Bleeder. Operation: Fill All The Sweets Around The Sweet Spot is complete."

Clyde: "That's awesome. But what about the-"

Before Clyde could finish, Lincoln tossed the radio out of the car to a tree, smashing it and rolled up the window.

Lincoln: "Sorry, Nose Bleeder, but your questions are compromising the mission." [yawns] "Now, to get a little shuteye." [fluffs up his travel bag and uses it as a pillow as he sleeps]

There was a bang on the window.

Lincoln: [rolls down the window] "Hey, guys. What's up?"

Lola: "What are you up to, Lincoln?"

Lincoln: [acting] "Me? I'm not up to anything. Just, you know, catching some Z's in the car like guys do."

Lori: [livid] "Oh yeah? Then what's...THIS?"

[They show Lincoln his seating chart, having found out about his operation]

Lincoln: [infuriated] "You went in my room?!"

Lori: "That's not the hot issue right now."

Lana: "What's the Sweet Spot? And why are you in it?"

Lincoln: "Oh, it's, uh...it's the worst seat in the whole car! I put myself in it so none of you would have to suffer."

Lucy: "Then why is it called the Sweet Spot?"

Lincoln: "Because I'm being sweet?"

Lisa: [calculating on the trunk door] "According to my calculations, the Sweet Spot is actually the best seat in the car for various reasons including air circulation, proximity to parental units, and the lack of chewable adhesive on the cushion."

Lincoln: [outraged] "It took me eight months to figure that out!" [He headpalms in frustration, as his sisters glare angrily at him]

Lisa: "Shocker."

Lori: "Well, if that's the best seat, then I should get it. [Look down at her siblings] I'm the oldest."

Luna: "You'd just barf all over it, dude! I should have it!"

Lola: "Beauty before age!"

Lana: [retorts] "Yeah! So I should get it!"

Luna: "That seat belongs to me!"

Leni: "No! I want it!"

Lincoln: "You can yell all you want, but I'm already in the seat. And possession is 9/10 of the law."

Lynn: [threatening] "You're gonna possess a bruise in a minute!"

Riley: Guys! Can you give Lincoln a chance! I don't think he's got it ever!

[The girls all glare at Lincoln and then at Riley, demanding him to hand over the Sweet Spot]

Lana: "Get them!"

Lincoln pulled Riley in, rolled up the window, and locked the door, before they can attack and thinks he was safe. His sisters angrily yelled at him, as he stared at them and laughs in triumph, but to Lincoln's shock, Luan opened the door and was angry.

Riley: Did you forget about the broken lock?

Lincoln: "Dang it. I did, Riley."

Luan immediately decked Lincoln and Riley, and the rest joined in.

Lincoln: "Let go of me!"

They all fought over the Sweet Spot at an intense level that caused everyone in the neighborhood to wake up over the commotion. A light came on from upstairs; it was their mom, Rita.

Rita: [from Lori and Leni's room] "THAT IS ENOUGH!"

The kids stopped the brawl.

Rita: "EVERYONE BACK TO THEIR ROOMS THIS MINUTE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE IN THAT CAR UNTIL 7:00 AM!" [rolls window down and turns off light; the girls exit Vanzilla back into the house]

Lori: "Good luck getting the Sweet Spot now."

The girls cackled and Lincoln growled at the situation in anger and punches the car only to wince in pain from it. Riley covered his mouth to silence himself then ran back in his room.

Lincoln and Riley's room...

Lincoln: [panicking] "This is bad! I can't lose that seat!" [peeks out of his room to see his sisters doing the same]

Lynn: "Don't even think about it, Lincoln. I'm watching you."

Lori: "Well, I'm watching you."

Lola: And I'm watching you!

Lana: "And I'm watching you!"

Lincoln: [shuts the door] "Ugh! Okay. I just have to be the first one out the door tomorrow." [his eyes close]

Riley: Good night, Lincoln.

They fell asleep.

6:30 AM [Lincoln's alarm goes off]

Riley woke up jumpscared.

Lincoln: [wakes up and gasps] "Only 30 minutes until Operation Save the Sweet Spot-" [yawns and slaps himself awake] "Come on, man! Stay with me!"

6:35 AM [Lincoln is dancing]

6:40 AM [Lincoln is doing push-ups and some aerobics]

6:45 AM [Lincoln pours orange juice all over his head]

Lincoln and Riley took a quick peek, only to sees that his sisters are just as ready as they were.

Riley: Wait, Lincoln? It's almost 7:00!

The clock struck 7:00 AM. Lincoln wailed like a maniac and rushed out the door.

Riley: LINCOLN!

The girls all rushed for the door to get to the Sweet Spot first. The others shoved Lincoln and Luna off the stairs and burst out the door. Lori, Leni, Lisa, Lola, Lana, Luan, Lynn and Riley ran out the door.

Riley: WHERE IS LINCOLN?!

Luan gets knocked into the yard from behind by Lana, Lori opens the door, but Lynn pulls her back.

Lincoln dove into the car, but Luan pounced him; Leni attacked them. Lisa got on the roof of the car and wailed like a maniac.

Riley: LISA! GET DOWN!

Lana hit Lisa with beets so hard that she flew off the van. Riley ran fast as she could and caught Lisa just in time. Lisa pushed Riley's face out of the way and jumped into the van. Riley got pushed so hard that she fell down to the ground. She ran inside to grab Lincoln's megaphone. Lola then tackled Lana. The fight got so out of hand and brutal that it wrecked Vanzilla down to millions of pieces.

Lynn Sr.: "ENOUGH!"

By the time Riley got outside to stop the brawl, it was too late. Vanzilla was destroyed and the battle was over; clearly, none of the kids ended up getting the seat.

Lynn Sr.: [weeping] "That was my first car! And my dad's first car! And his dad's first car!" [continues to sob]

Rita: [enraged] "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, BACK INSIDE! THE ROAD TRIP IS OFF! YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THIS WEEKEND SITTING TOGETHER IN THE LIVING ROOM UNTIL YOU LEARN TO GET ALONG!"

Kids: "Awww!"

Lincoln walked back in his room and furiously put his duffle bag on his dresser.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "I'm sorry you had to see that. [He shuts his door] Well, Operation: Sweet Spot went sour. I guess I should have known that in a family this big, you just can't control every little thing." [slyly] "That said, there's a Sweet Spot in the living room too. It's at the end of the couch; close to the bathroom with a great view of the TV. And it's going to be mine!" [grabs his radio] "Nose Bleeder, this is Couch Potato. Operation: Snag the Sofa is a go!"

Lincoln wailed crazily and headed out the door to catch the best spot on the sofa, probably his sisters did as well. Riley was walking to his room but saw Lincoln running to get the best spot on the couch.

Riley: Great.


	9. Chapter 9: A Tale of Two Tables

Lincoln was quietly eating his dinner when Lana suddenly poked him in the face with a hot dog.

LINCOLN: "Would you cut it out?"[as he resumes eating, Lola also pokes and smacks him with a hot dog] "Come on, man! Stop!" [the twins continue hitting him with their wieners] "I said cut it out!"

It showed that Lincoln was eating dinner at the kiddie table with Riley and his five younger sisters. The five sisters were playing with their dinner while Riley was quietly and politely eating her dinner. He got up to go to the fridge.

LINCOLN: [to the viewers] "In most families, the 'kiddie table' is something you only see at holidays. But in a family as big as mine, it's part of everyday life." [pours a glass of milk]

LANA: "Hey, Lincoln. You like seafood?" [sticks her tongue out showing mushed up pieces of food on it] "See? Food! Bleeeeegh!"

LOLA: "Hey, Lucy!" [sticks two french fries between her teeth and acts like a vampire] "I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!" [squirts ketchup]

The ketchup splattered all over Lincoln's face and the younger sisters smeared their fries on it to get some ketchup.

LINCOLN: "For gosh sakes, you guys! Cut it out! [rubs ketchup off face and groans] [to the viewers] "It's not right. My five older sisters get to sit at the grownup table with Mom and Dad, while I'm stuck here with my five younger sisters."

Lucy whacked a piece of broccoli off Lincoln's fork.

LUCY: "How can you eat that broccoli when you know how much it suffered to get here?"

LINCOLN: "Uh, Lucy...broccoli doesn't feel pain."

LUCY: "Oh, no?" [shoves a piece of broccoli in Lincoln's face] "Listen to the broccoli screaming, Lincoln! LISTEN TO IT!"

Lincoln screams in frustration, much to the shock of his younger sisters.

LINCOLN: "CAN'T I JUST EAT MY DINNER IN PEACE?!"

LANA: "Did you say peas?" [jokingly flings peas at Lincoln]

Lincoln blocked Lana's peas with his plate, causing them to bounce off and onto Lisa, which Lola laughed at her.

LISA: "Oh, you wanna play? Let's play..." [brings out a tiny catapult and launches mashed potatoes only to hit Lincoln instead of Lana, much to Lana's surprise] "My calibration seems to have been off by about sixteen degrees."

Lana hit Lisa with her hot dog.

LANA: "Mine wasn't."

As his sisters had their food fight and Riley quitely ate, Lincoln imagined himself at the grownup table, where everyone is dressed in fancy attire and the decor is exquisite.

LINCOLN: "So, I said to the Prime Minister, "Two breads are better than one!"

Everyone laughed.

LUAN: "Your comedy is so mature. Just like you."

Everyone raised their glasses to propose a toast to Lincoln.

LORI: "To Lincoln! He puts the 'grownup' in 'grownup table'!"

EVERYBODY: "To Lincoln!"

Lincoln blew kisses to them all only for the food fight to come and ruin his fantasy.

LINCOLN: "That's it! I don't belong here! I'm gonna go ask to join the grownup table!"

LOLA: "Ha!"

LANA: "Good luck."

LUCY: "You really think they're gonna let you?"

LILY, LISA, LOLA, and LANA: "Oooooooh!"

RILEY: It's your choice. You can go ask.

LINCOLN: You belong in the grown up table, Riley.

Lana then hit Riley with her hot dog and the sisters laughed at her. Lincoln suddenly imagined everyone at the grownup table laughing at his request to join them which caused his younger sisters to laugh as well.

LINCOLN: "You'll see. I'm gonna make it to the grownup table and leave all you children behind." [gets hit by mashed potatoes again]

Cut to Lincoln and Riley's room where he called Clyde over to help him.

CLYDE: "Well, Lincoln, you've come to the right place. As an only child, I've been at the grownup table my whole life."

RILEY: Very interesting.

LINCOLN: "So, you think you can help me?"

CLYDE: "Did Napoleon have a Napoleon complex?" [Lincoln responds with a dumbfounded look on his face] "That's a grownup table joke. You don't get it now, but you will soon. Now, don't worry. I have a sure-fire program that'll get your family to stop seeing you as a kid." [lays right on top of Bun-Bun]

LINCOLN: "And start seeing me as a grownup!" [notices Clyde's position] "Careful! You're giving Bun-Bun an ouchie!" [grabs Bun-Bun and protectively holds him; Clyde stares at the camera in confusion]

Training By Clyde: Phase One: Act Like A Grownup

Lori, Luna, Luan, and Lynn were in their pajamas and groggy, trying to enjoy their coffee; Lincoln walked in.

LINCOLN: "Good morning, everybody! Ah, nothing like that first cup of morning joe." (smells it) "Ah, mountain grown." [takes a sip but then spits it out disliking the taste]

The coffee was spat all over his sisters who weren't too happy about that, making him nervous, he turned to Clyde and Riley. Riley was looking confused; Clyde gave him a thumbs-up. Lori and Leni were on the couch; Lori was texting on her phone and Leni was filing her nails. Lincoln walked in holding a newspaper.

LINCOLN: "Hey, guys. There's a really interesting article in here about how kids are maturing faster these days. They say 11 is the new 15."

Lori and Leni glanced at Lincoln and went back to what they were doing. Lincoln then turned on the TV to a White House press conference.

LINCOLN: "Ooh, the House is debating the new highways bill. This should be fascinating."

LORI: [she and Leni feeling a little worried about their brother] "Are you feeling okay?"

LINCOLN "Me? Never felt better. Though the back's a little stiff. Getting older ain't easy. Am I right, ladies?"

Lori and Leni looked at each other, shrugged, and return to their tasks. Lincoln turned to Clyde and Riley. Riley was still confused. Clyde still approved of his actions.

Lola and Lana were fighting over a jump rope.

LOLA: "I was using it first!"

LANA: "Nuh-uh! I was!"

LOLA: "Give it to me!"

LANA: "You clearly took it away from me!"

LYNN SR.: [from downstairs] "Lola! Lana! What's going on?"

LINCOLN "Don't worry, Dad. I got this. Now, children, if you can't share the jump rope, then neither of you gets to use it." [pulls out a pair of scissors and cuts the jump rope in two] "Heh, kids. They just don't get it, huh, Dad?"

Lynn Sr. scratched his head in confusion and walked away; the twins beat Lincoln up for ruining their jump rope. Lincoln was getting ready to shave.

LINCOLN: "Ah, nothing like a nice, smooth face to start the day."

Luan walked by and had no idea what he was talking about.

LINCOLN: "Yup!" [prepares to shave; cut to him having cut himself a lot in his attempt and placed shreds of toilet paper on the cuts] "Maybe I shouldn't have used the razor Mom shaves her legs with."

CLYDE: "Never mind that. Our plan is working. You're showing your family that you belong at the grownup table. Now comes phase two: how to act once you get there."

RILEY: Are you sure if this is working? I'm really confused.

CLYDE: Of course!

Training By Clyde: Phase Two: Advanced Table Manners

Clyde set up cardboard dummies of Lincoln's older sisters and parents to practice with.

CLYDE: "This is the grownup table simulator. Now, show me your salad fork."

Lincoln grabbed a fork as a wild guess.

LINCOLN: "This one?"

Clyde blasted an air horn which made Riley flinch then cover her ears.

CLYDE: "Wrong. That's your dinner fork. Now, have some bread." [Lincoln accidentally grabs the piece of bread on the Lori dummy's plate] "Wrong! You just ate Lori's bread!" [flirting with the Lori dummy] "Don't worry, beautiful. I'll share my buns with you."

Riley facepalmed. Lincoln blew the horn at him.

LINCOLN: "Clyde!"

CLYDE: "Sorry. Where were we?"

Training continued.

LINCOLN: [to the Lynn dummy] "So, Lynn...how about those Republicans?"

Clyde blew the horn.

CLYDE: "Wrong! Never talk politics! Again."

LINCOLN: "Um...we can really use some rain?"

A bell chimed. Now they were using flash cards.

LINCOLN: "Soup spoon. Salad fork. Butter knife. Dessert plate. A...candid picture of Lori?"

CLYDE: (realizing) "Oh! How'd that get in there?"

Lincoln was preparing himself with Clyde dressed as a boxing trainer.

CLYDE: "You're making great strides, Lincoln. You feel it? Keep it up! You got heart, kid!"

LINCOLN: "Yeah, yeah! I'm all grown up!"

CLYDE: "Not yet. You have one last step."

Training By Clyde: Phase Three: Look Like a Grownup

Lincoln was then ready and he looked like a grownup.

RILEY: You look really nice, Lincoln!

LINCOLN: Thanks, girl!

CLYDE "I think my work here is done. Ready for the grownup table, big guy?"

LINCOLN: "Did Napoleon have a Napoleon complex?" (they laugh) "I still don't get it."

CLYDE: "Me neither."

Dinnertime, Lincoln approached the grownup table.

LINCOLN: "Good evening. I have something I'd like to say! [gets everyone's attention; reading a speech] "There comes a time in every kid's life when he's ready to put away childish things and make that big leap into the adult world."

LORI: [impatient and not caring] "Get to the point, Lincoln."

LINCOLN: "Okay." [takes a deep breath] "I don't think I should sit at the kiddie table anymore. I want to sit at the grownup table with you." [grins]

Everyone stared at him blankly.

LYNN SR.: "Well...I think he's ready."

RITA: "So do I."

LINCOLN: "Yes! WOO HOO!" [tears up part of his suit from cheering]

LYNN SR.: "Is that my suit?!"

Lincoln now sat at the grownup table and was handed tonight's dish.

LINCOLN: [slightly disgusted] "Liver? I thought we were having chicken nuggets."

RITA: "That's just for the younger kids, honey. At the grownup table, we eat grownup food."

LINCOLN: "And thank goodness for that!" [hands the liver over to Luna and picks up a fork] "Liver fork!"

Everyone stared at him and he just started eating. Riley could hear Lincoln from the kiddie table.

RILEY: Um, Lincoln?

The younger kids stared at her.

RILEY: Sorry, guys. Keep eating.

Eventually, the conversation got a little boring for Lincoln.

RITA: "So, Lynn, how did you do on your math test today?"

LYNN: "Good, Mom. I think I really nailed those integers."

LYNN SR.: "So, Lori, I heard Bobby's dad had a hernia operation. How'd that go?"

LORI: "Um...okay, I guess."

LINCOLN: [trying to beat the boredom] "Hey! I heard a funny joke today."

LUAN: "We don't tell jokes at the grownup table."

LUNA: "Or sing, brah."

Lincoln became even more bored after what he was just told and heard his younger sisters over by the kiddie table having fun. Riley was smiling and the younger kids were having fun.

LISA, LOLA, LANA, and LUCY: "Beans, beans, the musical fruit! The more you eat, the more you-"

Lana then made a fart noise with her armpit and they all enjoyed a laugh; Lincoln slightly chuckled at their antics.

LYNN SR.: "Something funny, Lincoln?"

LINCOLN: "Not at this table."

Later...

LYNN SR.: "So, it turns out we didn't need the service call in the first place. The darn copier was just unplugged."

RITA: [laughs] "How about that?"

Later, Lincoln's younger sisters all were having sundaes for dessert, giving Lincoln hope that there was one thing to look forward to at the grownup table.

RITA: "Okay...you're all excused."

LINCOLN: [calmly] "Uh, Mother...I believe you forgot something. Dessert?"

RITA: "Oh, that's just for the younger kids."

LINCOLN: [exasperated] "Ugh. Seriously?!" [his older sisters stare at him] "I mean, uh, seriously, who needs the extra calories?"

LYNN SR.: "That's right, son. Say, how does it feel sitting at the ol' grownup table, huh?"

LINCOLN: [disappointed] "It's everything I dreamed it would be."

Later at bedtime; Lincoln was calling Clyde on his walkie talkie.

LINCOLN: "Clyde! The grownup table is a nightmare! I didn't realize how good I had it at the kiddie table! I gotta get back."

CLYDE: "Negative, Lincoln. You can't ask to leave now. Next time you ask your family for something, they won't take you seriously. Is that what you want?"

LINCOLN: "No, but-"

CLYDE: "Now I gotta run. My parents and I are doing our taxes!" [leaves]

LINCOLN: "I gotta do something."

The next night...

LINCOLN: "Look, you guys. I thought about it, and I really don't belong here. I think I should go back to the kiddie table."

LUNA: [in a trance] "You can't go back. You can never go back, bro!"

The room suddenly got darker, and Lincoln was shackled to his chair.

LENI: "You're one of us now...a grownup..." [reveals tonight's dish which appears to be Clyde's head]

CLYDE: "Better start working on those taxes, Lincoln!"

Lincoln reviled in horror, broke free, and ran for the kiddie table only to be stopped by his parents.

LYNN SR.: "Where do you think you're going?!"

[pan up to reveal that his parents' heads are now cooked turkeys, scaring Lincoln]

LINCOLN: [panicking] "PLEASE! I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE KIDDIE TABLE! I'M NOT A GROWNUP YET! I'M STILL A KID!"

Suddenly, he was chained and bound to the grownup table, doomed to be a grownup like his older sisters.

LYNN, LUAN, LUNA, LENI, and LORI: [chanting] "One of us. One of us. One of us."

LINCOLN: "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He fell into a void of despair as his sisters continue chanting his fate. Lincoln woke up in his room, revealing it all to have been a nightmare.

LINCOLN: [gasps] "It's all my fault. I worked so hard to prove I'm a grownup." [looks at Bun-Bun and then gets an idea] "Hmm...maybe it's time to act my age."

Riley then woke up.

RILEY: Lincoln?

The next night...

LINCOLN: "Lincoln Loud in the house! Where my grownups at?" [plays with his silverwares] "Are you ready to chow?"

His sisters stared at him confused.

LINCOLN: [puts pieces of asparagus between his teeth] "I vant to suck your blood!"

RITA: "Lincoln! Please don't do that!"

Lincoln wiped the asparagus from his mouth and took Luna's piece of bread.

LUNA: "Yo! That's mine!"

LINCOLN "Was it? Hey, Leni. You like seafood? See? Food! BLEEEEEGH!" [sticks his tongue out with mushed up bread on it]

LENI: [disgusted] "Lincoln! Gross!"

LINCOLN: [talking with his mouth full as pieces of food gush out] "Hey! How about those republicans?"

LYNN: "Ugh! Lincoln! Say it, don't spray it!"

LINCOLN: "I didn't hear the magic word...PEAS!" [flings peas at Lynn]

LYNN: [starting to give in] "Oh, it is on!" [but holds back] "I mean...grow up, Lincoln."

LINCOLN: "Good grub, Dad. It reminds me of a song. Beans, beans, the musical fruit! The more you eat, the more you-" [farts on cue] "Everybody now!" [keeps farting]

LYNN SR.: [fed up with his son's immature behavior] "Lincoln Loud, that is enough!"

RITA: [also fed up] "I thought you were ready for the grownup table, but clearly, you are not."

LINCOLN: "You're a tough lady Mom, but fair. Laters! [he leaves]

LINCOLN: [back at the kiddie table] "Hey, guys! I'm back!" [hit by mashed potatoes and rubs it off] "Ah, it's good to be home. [sits down]

RILEY: Hey, Lincoln!

LINCOLN: "What did I miss? Let's...ketchup!" [squirts ketchup at his younger sisters; laughs and gets hit by potatoes three times]

They all started a food fight to celebrate Lincoln's return.

LINCOLN: Hey, Riley! Why don't you join in?

RILEY: No thanks. I'm okay.

She was then hit by potatoes.

RILEY: Okay. I will.

She wiped it off and joined in the food fight. Lynn popped in on them.

LYNN: "Hey...can I join you guys?"

LINCOLN: "Sure. The more, the merrier."

LYNN: [sitting down next to her younger brother] "Oh. I never knew it was possible to make it out of the grownup table." [Both of them stare to their left to see Lori, Leni, Luna, and Luan]

LORI: "Psst! Can we join, too?"

They all join in.

LUAN: [in between Lincoln and Lana] "Wow! Chicken nuggets! I haven't seen these in years!" [gets hit by mashed potatoes]

Excited, all the kids engaged in a big food fight, altogether at the kiddie table laughing with joy.

LINCOLN: [to the viewers] "There really is no rush to get to the grownup table. It's gonna happen eventually. So in the meantime, might as well enjoy being a kid."

LYNN SR.: "Finally, a little peace and quiet."

RITA: "Did you say peas?" [flings peas at her husband]

They both laughed as they too enjoy these kinds of shenanigans.


	10. Chapter 10: Project Loud House

It was an early weekday morning in the Loud House, and Lincoln and Riley were putting the finishing touches on a project.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Ever wonder what it's like to grow up in a big family? Well, so does my teacher. Our class assignment is to do a report on our families. With ten sisters, I can sum up mine in one word: "Chaos"!"[reveals a diorama of Lincoln's daily chaos in a replica of the show's first promotional poster] "It took 3 weeks, 4 boxes of pasta, 2 tubes of glue, and 27 popsicle sticks, but the centerpiece of my project is finally finished. Pretty accurate representation of the Loud Family, I'd say. But making this thing was the easy part. The real challenge is getting it to school on time and in one piece to give my report. Sounds easy, right? Not in my house. If you want to get all ten of your sisters out the door on time, you have to get up pretty early, and you have to have a plan."

Chaos began to take place and the water from Lincoln's glass began to shake, indicating only one thing...

Lincoln: "The ten-headed beast has awoken. Wish me luck." [takes diorama and they step out the door but quickly busts out an umbrella because Luan planted a bucket of water for him and he saves his diorama] "Not today, Luan."

Luan: "Oh, we'll see about that. Pailure is not an option!" [laughs] "Get it?"

Lincoln: "I'll just take this to the car later. But first...Luna. A little "Man with the plan" music?"

Luna: "You got it, man!" [starts playing while Luan prepares to strike again]

Lola: [fighting over a dollar with Lana] "It's my dollar!"

Lana: "No, it's mine!"

Lola: "Let go!"

Lana: "No, you let go!"

Lincoln: "Right on cue."

Lola: "You let go!"

Lana: "Stop it!"

[Lincoln takes their dollar]

Twins: "Hey!"

Lincoln: [gives them exact change] "Half for Lola, half for Lana."

Twins: "Thanks, Lincoln!"

Riley: How can you control chaos?

Lincoln: I'm used to it!

Lucy: [right behind her brother] "Good morning, Lincoln."

Riley and Lincoln: Yah!

Lincoln: [startled] "Good morning, Lucy."

Lucy: "For my new poem, I need a word that rhymes with "choose"."

Lincoln: "Uh...how about "lose"?"

Lucy: "That works." [writes it down]

Lincoln: [holding Lily's baby clothes] "Time to get dressed, Lily!"

Lynn: [with a football] "Hey, Lincoln! Think fast!" [tosses it]

Lincoln tossed Lily in the air and caught the football.

Lynn: [chuckles] "Nice catch, Lincoln."

Lincoln: "Nice throw, Lynn." [gives it back and catches Lily and starts to dress her]

Lori: [on her phone with Bobby] "OMG, Bobby. I literally had to call you right away. I am just so excited about the homecoming dance."

Luan had placed another bucket right above Lori and Leni's door and quickly opened his umbrella to save Lori before she gets drenched.

Lori: "I know, right? You're so sweet!" [giggles]

Lincoln made the "I'm watching you" gesture to Luan.

Luan: [determined] "I'll get the drop on you yet." [laughs] "Get it?"

Lori: [to Lincoln] "What do you want?"

Lincoln: "Lori, could you maybe hang up the phone and get ready for school?"

Lori: "Cool it, twerp. I'm quite capable of doing two things at once."

Leni walked by blowing a bubble from gum but tripped.

Lincoln: "Leni?"

Riley: Are you okay?

Leni: "Note to self: never walk and chew gum at the same time."

Riley and Lincoln looked at each other confused.

Lincoln: "Time's running out!" [rushes to his room]

Lynn: [with a Soccer ball] "Lincoln! Think fast!" [kicks it]

Lincoln caught the soccer ball; Lola and Lana walked out of their room; Lincoln headed into his room to get his project.

Lincoln: "Okay, let's get you downstairs."

Lisa walked out of her room with a steaming flask.

Lisa: "Scatter! She's gonna blow!"

Riley: Be careful, Lisa!

Lisa: Relax, Riley! It's just an experiment from my lab!

Lincoln: "Or not." [puts his project back in his room] "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!" [adds an extra chemical to the flask and stops it from exploding] "Phew. Lisa, you're always forgetting the dinitrotoluene."

Lisa: "Silly me. Much appreciated." [it explodes anyway] "I'M STILL ALIVE!"

Riley: Next time, please be careful, Lisa!

Lisa: RELAX, RILEY!

Lynn: [dressed as Lunatic Lynn] "AYYYEEE! LUCHA LIBRE!" [lunges and falls down the stairs] "Todo bien..."

Riley (calling from downstairs): ¡Me alegro!

Lincoln; [sees Lily] "Lily! Pants!" [slips baby pants on Lily]

They saw Lola and Lana arguing over who gets to use the bathroom first.

Lola: "I was here first!"

Lana: "No, I was!"

Lola: "Nuh-uh, I was!"

Lana: "No way! I was!"

Lola: "You always say that!"

Lana: "You do!"

Lincoln put on a pair of roller skates and skates right into the bathroom]

Twins: "Hey! No cutting!"

Lincoln gave them their toothbrushes and applied toothpaste to them.

Twins: "Thanks, Lincoln!"

Lincoln tossed the toothpaste tube back where it belonged and skated down the hall while Riley followed.

Leni: "Has anyone seen my zit cream?"

Lincoln handed it to her.

Lori: "I literally found the cutest dress to wear!"

Lincoln looked annoyed at her lack of punctuality.

Riley: Cool!

Lucy: "A word that rhymes with "stuck"."

Lincoln: ""Luck"."

Luan: "How do you stop a rhino from charging?"

Lincoln: "You take away his credit card!"

Luan laughed.

Lincoln: [leaping over Lisa who's writing a mathematical formula on the wall] "Mom said no solving for X on the walls!" [passes by Lucy who's about to ask him for another rhyme for another word in her poem] "Same! Blame! Game! Fame!"

Lynn: "Where the heck are my roller skates? I've got field hockey today!"

Lincoln: [takes them off and returns them] "Wait. There's no roller skates in field hockey."

Lynn: "The way I play, there is!" [grabs them and goes to put them on]

Lily walked by.

Lincoln: [grabs her] "Gotcha!" [to the viewers] "Phase one of Operation Get Ready For School and Into the Car on Time is complete. Now comes phase two: breakfast."

Luna: [finishes her number] "THANK YOU!"

Lincoln was making breakfast; an egg fell onto the skillet and it showed that Lincoln is in charge of cooking today.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Cooking is usually Dad's territory, but I gave him the day off 'cause I have to kick things into high gear." [begins serving certain eggs to certain sisters] "Egg whites for Leni, sunny-side up for Luna, funny-side up for Luan..."

Luan: "Great yolk!" [laughs]

Lincoln: "...scrambled for Lynn and Riley, fried for Lisa, deviled eggs for the twins, and..."

Lori: [still on the phone with Bobby] "Oh, and I picked out the perfect tux for you to wear, Bobby."

Lincoln: [growing more irritated] "...hard boiled for Lori." [serves some runny eggs on Lily's high chair] "Extra goo goo gooey for Lily." [serving some rather burned eggs to Lucy] "And for Lucy, extra well done."

Lucy: "If I had a heart, it would be swelling right now."

Everyone finished breakfast and headed for the door.

Lincoln: "All righty, then, we are dressed and fed, and now we have our backpacks and lunches prepared to dietary needs. We're just waiting on Lori."

Lori walked downstairs with the car keys.

Lori: "No, not puke, Bobby. Puce. It's like a reddish brownish."

Lincoln: "Everyone, wait here while I grab my project!" [gets it] "Time for phase three: getting you out the door and in one piece."

Geo got his hamster ball right under Lincoln's foot.

Lincoln: "Whoa, whoa!" [rolls down the stairs and stops right in front of the door before impact] "Phew. Okay then, we're all ready to go? Time for phase four, out the door!" [to the viewers] "Like I said, if you want to get all your sisters out the door on time, you have to have a plan."

Right before they can get out the door...

Lori: [angry at Bobby] "Fine! If you don't wanna wear the tux, then I don't wanna go to the dance! In fact...I DON'T EVEN WANNA GO TO SCHOOL!" [screams in frustration]

Lincoln: "So close..." [puts his project down] "Wait!" [stops everyone from going back to their rooms] "No no no. Everyone, stay right where you are." [heads upstairs] "Lori, wait! You're the only one who can drive us!"

Lori: "GET MOM TO DRIVE YOU!" [shuts herself in her room]

Lincoln: "But she's already left!"

Leni: [suddenly with a light blue skin pigmentation] "AAAHH! I'M BLUE! MY SKIN'S TURNED BLUE!"

Lisa: "Technically, it's a shallow shade of cerulean, but why split hairs?"

Lincoln: "Lisa, what did you do?"

Lisa: "I secretly switched Leni's blemish cream for an experimental skin pigmentation ointment I've been working on."

Leni began to shake with worry.

Lincoln: "Why would you do that?"

Lisa: "Because she wouldn't let me try it on her if I had asked."

Lincoln: "You go upstairs right now and get something to fix it!"

Lisa: "Fine. Hairless apes: one, science: zero." [heads upstairs]

Lincoln: [starting to lose it] "Can't something go my way for once?"

Luna: "You can't always get what you want, bro."

Lucy: [right behind him again] "Lincoln, I've finished my poem. It's called "Failure"."

Lincoln: [too down to be startled by her lurking] "Lucy, I really don't have time for-"

Lucy: "Failure. It is not an option, yet it's something you choose. The man with the plan is destined to lose."

Lily comes walking by.

Lincoln: "LILY! Where are your clothes? And where's your diaper?" [gives chase]

Lily: "I go poo-poo!" [laughs]

Lincoln stepped in her diaper.

Lincoln: [nauseated] "I found the diaper..." [changes his shoes into a fresh pair after that]

Meanwhile, Riley was knocking on Lori's door.

Riley: LORI! WE GOTTA GET TO SCHOOL!

Lori: YOU'RE NOT THE MOM!

Riley walked downstairs.

Riley: Wow.

Lucy: [still reading] "Failure. You know there is no one else to blame. For the choices you make are always the same."

Lincoln: [knocking on Lori's door] "Come on, Lori! Please? I have my report this morning!"

Lori: [refusing to come out] "GO AWAY!"

Downstairs, the twins were arguing over the different kinds of sandwiches in their lunches.

Lola: "The peanut butter sandwich is mine!"

Lana: "No, the jelly sandwich is yours!"

Lola: "No!"

Lincoln groaned.

Lola: "You like the peanut butter and I like the jelly!"

Lana: "You like peanut butter and I like jelly!"

Lola: "No, I like jelly and you-"

Lincoln took the sandwiches and made it so that both sandwiches have both peanut butter and jelly on them.

Twins: "Hey!"

Lincoln: "Now you each have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now, get to the car."

Twins: "Thanks, Lincoln!" [head to the car]

Lisa: [with a first aid ointment] "Here's the antidote."

Lincoln: "Thank you!" [suspicious] "Wait a second..." [tests it on Walt who suddenly blows up like a blimp and finds out that Lisa was about to trick him] "The real antidote?"

Lisa: "Fine. Hairless apes: two, science: zero." [hands him the actual antidote and goes to the car]

Lincoln: [hands it to Leni] "Here."

[Leni sighs with relief and goes to use it]

Lucy: [still reading] "Failure. It's all your fault, this streak of bad luck. No escape from this cycle in which you are stuck."

Lincoln: "Stop! I've got a poem for you now. It's called "Lucy". Dark as night, hair like tar. Take your spooky self to the car."

Lucy: "Sigh. Once again, your poetic brilliance has put me to shame." [heads to the car]

Riley (walking out the door): I'll see 'ya, Linc!

Lynn: "Think fast!" [comes rolling through the hall and crashes into Lincoln, knocking him down to his underwear]

Lincoln: "Ow..."

Lynn: "Where is my field hockey stick? I have roller derby today!"

Lincoln: "There's no field hockey sticks in roller derby!" [spins her around and launches her to the car]

Lynn: "The way I play, there is!" [crashes into her seat] "Ow!"

Leni: "Finally. I look perfect and beautiful again."

Just as she was about to get in, Lincoln shielded her with the umbrella because Luan was at it again, leading him to glare at her angrily.

Luan: [also fed up at Lincoln] "Oh, come on! I thought we were pails!" [laughs]"Get it? Get it?"

Leni got in.

Lincoln: "How am I gonna deal with Lori?" [gets an idea] "Got it!" [calls her using the family phone]

Lori: "Hello?"

Lincoln: [falsetto] "Hey, babe. It's your boyfriend, Bobby. I just wanted to say that I'm...I'm sorry and that I will wear any tux you want."

Lori: [gasps and squeals with delight, having fallen for it] "Oh, Bobby!" [laughs with joy and comes out of her room as Lincoln hangs up and is now in a good mood] "Would you hurry up, Lincoln? It's always such a hassle getting you out of the door in the morning." [picks Lily up and heads to the car]

Lincoln smiled knowing everything's back on track, grabs his project and closed the door; however, Luna was getting some help putting her amps into the van.

Lincoln: "What's all this?"

Luna: "It's my gear, dude. I have rehearsal."

Lincoln: "And who's that?"

Luna: "This is my roadie, Chunk."

Chunk tips his hat to Lincoln.

Lincoln: "No no no. He was not part of the plan. You, out! I'll take care of this."

[Chunk walks away upset]

Luna: "Thanks, bro!" [gets in the car]

Lincoln put Luna's gear into the trunk and heads to the shotgun seat, but he left his project right on the driveway.

Lincoln: "Operation complete! And with ten minutes to spare. A Loud House first, I might add. Let's roll!"

Lori started up the car and was about to roll out, but Riley realized something.

Riley: Lincoln! Your project!

Lincoln: "STOP!"

Lori stopped the car and Lincoln rushes out in a panic; thankfully, his project is safe]

Lincoln: [picks it up] "Phew. That was close." [slips on one of Lynn's skates and trips, his project flying in the air; in slow-motion] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

But it was too late; his project hit the ground and was ultimately ruined.

Lincoln: [lamenting] "All of this work for nothing...how could I be so stupid?! How? How? How?"

Lori: "If you're done with your pity party, maybe we could help."

Lynn: "Yeah. 11 heads are better than 1."

Luan: "Try not to lose yours." [laughs]

Riley: We've all got a plan, and we want to help you.

Luna: "Yeah. Every little thing is gonna be alright."

Lincoln: [hopeful] "Really? You'll help?"

Lola and Lana: "It's what families do."

Lincoln: "But I'm supposed to give this report in ten minutes and this thing is destroyed. What can you guys do?"

Everyone smiled with a plan. Later, Lincoln is giving his report.

Lincoln: "In conclusion, in my family, every day is a challenge. But you can be sure that when I need them, my sisters will always be there for me. All of them."

It showed that Riley and his sisters were all standing perfectly still and replicating his project. Lori was talking on a phone; Luna was jamming out; Lynn was catching a football; Lisa was holding a flask about to explode; Lana was making a face; Lola was tattling; Lily was sitting down naked with a toy; Lucy was reciting a poem; Luan was holding a fake spider around Leni's head; Riley was caught in the middle of all of the chaos.

Lincoln: "And sure, life in the Loud House can be summed up in one word: chaos. But I love that chaos. And I wouldn't trade it for the world."

Agnes: [applauding Lincoln's performance] "That was a fantastic report, Lincoln. I'm giving you an A." [gets drenched by one of Luan's buckets] "Aaahh!"

Lincoln gasped and the bucket falled on her head.

Agnes: "Make that an A-minus."

Everyone except Luan was speechless to see Agnes Johnson's expense.

Luan: [triumphant] "Pailed it!" [laughs]


	11. Responding to your Reviews 1

Hey everyone! So I've been reading your reviews and I decided to answer them. Here we go!

Unknown Russian said: "Wait a minute, she has already knew about him?"

Answer: "This story takes place in March and she heard that Nick was getting a new show called the Loud House. So yes, she has already heard about him."

katmar1994 said: "I love it already! Can't wait for the next chapter!"

Answer: "I'm glad you like it! I'm having fun with this story as well! I'm planning to write a sequel for Season 2 and a prequel for Season 3 so get ready for that!"

said: "so far I think it's ok but Riley needs to be more in the story because right now she seems like just a ghost only lincoln can see apart from that she just looks like an extra no one sees or hears."

Answer: "Thanks for the advice for writing. I'm new here at and I'm gonna try my best. I'm gonna mention that Riley can sometimes be very shy so she doesn't really talk a lot but I wanted to add her in the story so she does look like an extra."

Dinodude said: "Boy wonder how much crazy Riley can handle with the Loud family"

Answer: "Yep lol. There's always chaos in the Loud House. Riley is kind of caught in the middle of everything there. =)"


	12. Chapter 11: In Tents Debate

The kids were having a sibling meeting in Lori and Leni's room.

Luan: "And finally, the motion to ration shampoo due to chronic shortages passed. By a hair!" [laughs as her siblings groan at her joke]

Riley (claps): Great job, Luan!

Luan: (giggle) Glad you like it, Riley!

Lori: "So, the minutes from our last meeting are approved." [bangs shoe on Leni's sewing table like a gavel] "Any new business?" [Lincoln raises his hand] "Anyone? Anyone? No one?"

Lincoln: [agitated] "Lori!"

Lori: "I'm just messing with you. Lincoln has the floor."

Lincoln: "As you all know, our annual trip to Scratchy Bottom Campgrounds is quickly approaching."

The girls all except Riley started to groan. Riley nodded her head.

Lynn: "That place is the worst. Bears always steal our food."

Lily roared.

Leni: "And we have to sleep on the hard ground!"

Lola: "And poop in the woods!"

Lana: "I like pooping in the woods."

Lisa: "And the Dipterum Culicidae are the size of Mustelas Nivalis." [the others look at her confused with crickets chirping] "The mosquitoes are the size of weasels."

Lincoln: [scared] "And don't forget the scary hill people hiding in the trees!" [imagines the hill people]

Lori: "There's no such thing as hill people, Lincoln."

Lincoln: "My point is, why can't we go someplace different like..." [holds up two brochures] "...Aloha Beach or Dairyland Amusement Park?"

The tagline for Dairyland said "So UDDER-ly fun, you'll spill your milk!"

Lori: "Because Mom and Dad will never go for it."

Lincoln: "How do we know? We've never asked."

The others liked the idea of voting.

Lori: "Fine. All in favor of Lincoln wasting his time and asking Mom and Dad?"

Lincoln and the other girls raised their hands.

Lori: [sighs] "Motion passes." [bangs her shoe]

Lincoln then asked his parents.

Rita: "Fine with us, sweetie."

Lynn Sr.: "Sure, son. I don't see why not."

Lincoln had told them the news and all except Lori began cheering.

Lori: "So? Which is it? Aloha Beach or Dairyland?"

Lincoln: "Oh. They didn't say. I guess it's up to us decide. All in favor of Aloha Beach?" [Lori, Leni, Lucy, Lola, and Lily raise their hands] "One, two, three, four, five..."

Luna: [surprised Lucy voted for Aloha Beach] "You wanna go to the beach, Lucy?"

Lucy: "Two words: "Shark Attacks"."

Lincoln: "All in favor of Dairyland?" [Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lana, and Lisa raise their hands] "One, two, three, four, five."

Leni: "It's five against five! We win!"

Lynn: "It's a tie, Leni."

Lola: "Wait a minute. Lincoln and Riley didn't vote."

Lori: "Well, guys, what's it gonna be?"

Riley: I can't decide! I need a few days.

Lincoln: "It's so hard to choose. I really like the beach." [Lori, Leni, Lucy, Lola, and Lily cheer while Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lana and Lisa complain] "But I love Dairyland." [Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lana, and Lisa cheer while Lori, Leni, Lucy, Lola, and Lily complain] "I don't know. I can't decide. I need more time. Can we have till the end of the day?"

The girls were indifferent.

Lori: "Fine. You have until the end of the day to decide." [bangs shoe and adjourns meeting]

In their room...

Lincoln: [sighs] "Now I've done it. If I choose Aloha Beach, five of my sisters are gonna be mad at me. And if I choose Dairyland, the other five will be mad. Making a decision is gonna be rough."

Riley: Yes, it will.

Lola with a silver tray in her hands walked in the door.

Lola: "Hey, guys. I brought you something!" [reveals pancakes] "A short stack from your favorite short stack! You should never make a big decision on an empty stomach."

Lincoln: "Wow! Thanks, Lola!" [starts eating]

Riley: Thanks, Lola. [starts eating]

Lynn walked in.

Lynn: "Hey, little bro. I was just thinking. With all the pressure you're under to decide..." [takes away pancakes] "...maybe a massage would help you relax. HIYA!" [flips Lincoln onto his back and starts patting his back repeatedly and rapidly]

Lincoln: [in a shaking tone] "Uh...this is awkward. Down a little...I carry most of my stress in my lower back...Aw..."

Riley: [in a shaking tone] This feels...so...good!

Lincoln walked into the bathroom to take a shower but saw Lori, believing he barged in by accident.

Lori: "Shower time."

Lincoln: "Huh?"

Lori had set up the shower for Lincoln.

Lori: "Take a nice long one. I cleared the bathroom schedule." [helps him in while Leni, Lola, Lily, and Lucy arrive at the door]

Lincoln: "Wait. You guys aren't trying to get my vote for Aloha Beach, are you?"

Lori, Lola, and Lucy: [sweetly] "No."

Lily: "No, no, no."

Leni: "Wait! I thought we were!"

Lori, Lucy, and Lola sighed and Lily looked blankly at her stupidity. After his shower, there was noise going through Lincoln and Riley's door. He walked in and found Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lana, and Lisa cleaning his room and Riley was standing next to his desk.

Lincoln: "Cleaning my room? You guys aren't trying to get my vote for Dairyland, are you?"

Luna, Luan, Lynn, and Lana: [faking denial] "What? No no no."

Luan: "Now that's funny."

Lisa: [honestly] "Of course, we are."

They then went back to cleaning his room.

Lincoln: "I amend my earlier statement. Deciding on where to go for our vacation might not be so rough after all."

Lincoln walked downstairs to see Lori, Leni, Lucy, Lola and Lily in tropical beach attire.

Aloha Beach Girls: "Aloha, Lincoln!"

Lori gave him a lei, Lucy gave him a tropical shirt, Lola gave him shades, Lily gave him a drink by delivering it on her head, and Leni gave him something extra.

Lincoln: "What's that?"

Leni: "It's your homework. All done."

Lincoln: [nervous] "Uh...you did it?"

Lori: "I did."

Lincoln: "Phew...I mean, not that it matters."

Lincoln walked to the kitchen; a clown horn honked and Lincoln saw someone he loves; Luan was dressed up as the Dairyland mascot, Tippy the Cow.

Luan: "Hiya, Lincoln!" [honks nose]

Lincoln: "Tippy the Cow!"

Luan: "Well, that's right!" [puts an official Dairyland udder hat on Lincoln's head] "And guess what I have for my favorite fan!" [holds Lincoln's laundry all done]

Lincoln: "You did my laundry? Wow! Thanks, Tippy!"

Luan: "You're welcome!" [honks nose] "I'll see you soon at America's favorite dairy themed a-moo-sement park!" [dances off]

Lincoln: "Bye, Tippy! I love that cow."

Lola had seen what just went on and knowed the Aloha Beach team must try harder. Lincoln walked into his room where the Aloha Beach girls have made some renovations to it and Riley was sitting down on the floor reading in a swimsuit.

Riley: Hello, Lincoln!

Lincoln: Riley, are you voting for Aloha-

Lori: "Welcome to your own private beach. Where we have sun, sand, and surf." [turns on a heat lamp for sun, puts Lincoln's feet in a bucket of sand, and puts a surfboard on his bed]

They put Lincoln on the board and he began to pretend surf with Leni moving his arms and Lucy spraying water in his face.

Lucy: "Don't forget screams."

A shark fin popped from under Lincoln's bed and it was just Lily pretending to be one as the other girls screamed in a fake tone.

Lori: "And if you vote Team Beach, the fun will literally never stop."

Leni: "Yeah. If you need anything else, just give us a toot." [holds out a conch shell and blows into it]

Lana watched them and realized that she and her team could do better than that. Lincoln was eating a bowl of cereal when his chair began to move on its own.

Lincoln: "What's happening?!"

The Dairyland girls were pushing it around.

Lynn: "ALL ABOARD THE I SCREAMER!"

Lisa: "Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times."

The girls began to push him around.

Lincoln: "WOO-HOO! FASTER! FASTER!"

The ride eventually came to a complete stop.

Luna: "Hope you enjoyed the ride, bro."

Luan: "If you vote for Dairyland, you'll have two percent more laughs!" [laughs as she pours in 2% fat milk into his cereal]

Lisa: "If you require our services...[holds out a cowbell and rings it] "...just call on Team Tippy."

Lincoln and Riley found out that with the bell and the conch, they could have the sisters do anything for him; he rang the bell and Lana brought him hot cocoa with marshmallows and blew on it to cool it; he blew into the conch and Lucy fluffed his pillow; he rang the bell and Luna turned the page on his comic book and Riley's book; he blew into the conch and Leni gave him and Riley a pedicure while he was playing video games and Riley was reading; he rang the bell and he shot hoops with Lynn; he blew into the conch and Team Beach gave them the works where Lori peeled and fed him grapes, Leni fanned him with a giant palm tree leaf, Lola blew bubbles and Lucy tossed flower pedals; he rang the bell and Team Tippy had them lounging in a hammock where Luna, Luan, and Lisa rub Riley and Lincoln's muscles and Lana had some relaxing music for them.

The end of the day...

Lynn: "Alright, guys, your time's up. What's it gonna be?"

Riley: Um...

Lincoln: "I know I said I'd decide by the end of the day, but I'm still torn. Can I have just one more day?"

Lola: [starting to snap] "Why, you lousy little-"

Lori: [holds Lola back] "Uh...not a problem." [chuckles] "We understand."

The girls agreed.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Can you blame me? No matter what I decide, five of them are still gonna be mad at me. But this day has been amazing. So I figure, why not take advantage of it a little longer?"

Meanwhile, Team Beach was having a meeting.

Lori: "Ugh. What are we going to do, you guys? We need to try harder to show him why the beach is better."

Lola: [gets a sinister idea] "Or...maybe we should show him why Dairyland is worse..."

They all huddled in agreement. The next morning, Lincoln rushed to the bathroom.

Lincoln: "Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee! Note to self: no more cocoa before bed!" [stops] "What's going on?"

Lucy: "Waiting in line for the bathroom. Better get used to standing in lines if you're gonna vote for Dairyland."

One by one, Team Beach took their turn using the bathroom while Lincoln was struggling to hold it. Riley opened the door and saw that he was still waiting for the bathroom.

Riley: He's been gone for an hour!

Finally he got his turn, but there was a Dairyland style sign saying the toilet's out of order.

Lincoln: "What? Sorry! This ride is temporarily closed? NOOOOOOOOO!"

Lynn ran over and saw what Team Beach did.

Lynn: "Oh, so that's how they wanna play..."

Lincoln couldn't take it anymore and decided to go in the shower instead.

Lincoln: Ah...sweet relief!"

Lynn turned off the hot water.

Lincoln: "AAAAAHHHH! FREEZING! What happened to all the hot water?"

Lynn: "You'd better get used to it if you vote for the Beach."

Lisa: "Because the average ocean temperature is 16.6 degrees Celsius."

Lincoln went to change into his clothes and, as soon as he put on his underwear, it was filled with sand and confronted Team Beach.

Lincoln: "Uh, guys, FYI. Sand in my crack does not make me want to vote for the beach!"

Team Beach was shocked and Lana and Luna snickered, knowing their plan was working. Lincoln was having breakfast, and Team Beach started making some modifications to the I Screamer by pushing it too fast.

Lincoln: "Guys! Guys! Too fast! Too fast, guys! Guys, too fast! I'M GONNA HURL!"

Team Beach got out of the way and Lincoln threw up under the table and saw Team Tippy.

Lincoln: "Word of advice. Blowing chunks does not make me want to vote for Dairyland!"

Lincoln found a gift bag on his bed with a card on it.

Everything you'll need for fun in the sun. Enjoy. Team Beach.

Lincoln: [finds a beach ball, a pair of sandals, and something he'll definitely need] "SPF 800 sunscreen. Perfect for my fair skin." [rubs it all over the uncovered parts of his body] "Hm. Tingly."

However, this "sunscreen" caused Lincoln to get a severe sunburn and scream in pain.

Lincoln: "News flash! Giving me a sunburn is not the way to win my vote!"

Lori: "Huh?" [checks the sunscreen bottle, peels the label and finds it's a fake] "Sodium Hydrochlorite? Avoid contact with skin? This has Lisa written all over it!"

Leni: "So that's how you spell Lisa?"

Lincoln cooled his burn down a little bit and found Tippy again.

Lincoln: "Tippy!"

But this time, Tippy looked like a grotesque mad cow.

Lincoln: "Mad cow! Mad cow!"

Tippy chased Lincoln around the house until he escapes her.

Lori: "Well?"

It turned out Lucy was in this version of the Tippy costume. Riley peeked out and saw Lucy in the Tippy costume.

Riley (whispering): What are you doing?

Lucy: "Worked like a charm. Aloha Beach is in our future."

Team Tippy walked in.

Luan: "We knew it! You've been sabotaging us!"

Lori: "We sabotaged you? You put sand in Lincoln's underpants!"

Lana: "But you started it with the line for the bathroom!"

The girls started arguing over whose fault it is that Lincoln isn't voting for their sides and Lincoln was in agony and calling for help on the conch and bell, but no one was coming for him because they're too busy arguing.

Lincoln: "Can I get an ice pack? Some bandages? A hug? Where is everybody?

The girls were still arguing but something opened the door. It was Riley.

Lincoln: Riley?

Riley: Hey, Lincoln. I know what's going on.

Lincoln: You do?

Later, Lincoln and Riley walked down to get their attention with the instruments.

Lincoln: "I'm blowing the conch, I'm ringing the bell, and yet, nothing!"

Lynn: "YOU! This is all your fault!"

Lori: "Yeah! If you had just made up your mind, none of this would have happened!"

The girls all started blaming Lincoln and Riley for their warfare on each other.

Lincoln: "Great. I was afraid of making five of my sisters mad at me. But now all ten are! There's only one thing left to do."

Lincoln and Riley asked the parents.

Rita: "Fine with us, sweetie."

Lynn Sr.: "Sure, son. I don't see why not."

The girls were still arguing.

Lincoln: [bangs his shoe on the counter] "Quiet down! I've made my decision! We're going to...

Riley and Lincoln: Scratchy Bottom Campgrounds!

Sisters: "WHAT?!"

Lynn: "But what about the bears?!"

Lisa: "And the Dipterum Culicidae bites?"

Lola: "And the pooping in the woods?"

Lana: "That's still the only reason I'd go."

Lori: "Ugh. This is literally going to be the worst vacation ever."

Lori: "This is literally the best vacation ever!"

The sisters agreed; they're at Scratchy Bottom Campgrounds and having the time of their lives.

Luna: "Why were we so against this place?" [rings cowbell]

Lincoln and Riley were serving them during the vacation to make it up for taking advantage on his vote and served them up some drinks; Leni blowed the conch and Lincoln puffed up her air mattress; the bell rings and Riley and Lincoln were distracting the mosquitoes and getting bitten by them while the girls were enjoying a nice nature hike; the conch was blown while the girls are trapped on the picnic table and Riley came to fend off what seems like a harmless woodland creature but it was really a bear eating their food and it chases her instead; the bell rang and Lincoln and Riley dug a hole in the woods and set up a seat and toilet paper, having made a make-shift toilet for them to use.

Lincoln: [to the viewers; gathering firewood] "It may not be much of a vacation for me, but it's worth it if all ten of my sisters are happy. I'd say everything turned out A-okay."

At that moment, some voices were cackling and some eyes were watching them; it's none other than...

Lincoln and Riley: [screams and runs for his life] "THE HILL PEOPLE HIDING IN THE TREES!"


End file.
